To defeat, the buns!
No but seriously, it's time I started taking my weight loss journey seriously. I'm writing this post to record my journey to this point and plan going forward.
I've been overweight since I was a teenager. Not massively, and I carried it well. I was active, into weightlifting at uni and kickboxing and cycling... you get the idea. I would often win bets where people couldnt guess my weight because I was much heavier than I looked.
But then adult life happened and depression (now treated and gone) and general laziness and over the past few years I put on weight. I looked about 60kg, but was 70kg. Then I looked 70kg, but was 80kg. Now I look 80kg and am 90kg. (I'm definitely not as muscular now, but I'm still only a UK size 14/16 165cm 25F, which isnt too bad for being about 30kg overweight)
I've told myself every excuse in the book. "Its muscle, so BMI isnt accurate." "I'm a dense person." " I carry a lot of water weight." "It's not affecting me."
Time to cut the crap. It's fat. I'm fat. And it is affecting me. I'm not as confident as I could be. I'm not as active as I used to be, mostly because exercise isnt fun when you're lugging around 30kg extra. And its foolish to think this isnt going to affect my health if I dont sort it out.
This year has been the year of changes. First, I tackled quitting alcohol. Next, it was weed. Now, it's time to get diet and exercise on point.
In 2020, I lost and gained the same 5kg about 4 times. I'm not going to lie, it was largely due to substance use derailing my diet as alcohol is calories calories calories and weed makes me eat pizza like theres no tomorrow. As I've quit both, I havent been trying to control what I eat because if eating 5 biscuits with my tea keeps me sober, 5 biscuits I will happily have.
But I'm feeling more stable in my sobriety now, and I feel I can let go of the food supports in favour of other self soothing methods. So here is the plan:
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I finished a 48hr water fast last night. Not because I want to lose weight that way, it is obviously not sustainable, which I know fully well because I have done several long (7-10day) fasts in the past. It was to re-acquaint myself with how my body responds to hunger and highlight the mental ties I have to food. I now feel strong and empowered to observe them and eat only when and what I really want to.
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I am going to eat two meals a day (as I usually do). Breakfast doesn't sit well for me and I usually fast from 8pm to 1pm with just some milky coffee before noon.
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I'm going to focus on cutting down carbs. I'm not going keto. You can claw fruit out of my cold dead hands. But processed carbs? Get outta here, I'm not having them. Unprocessed carbs like potatoes and rice are going to be in severe moderation, maybe only once a or twice a week.
Side note: I read about a study in the 40s where a doctor tested prisoners to see how many extra calories he could get them to eat each day of either carbs or fat (cause ethics werent invented til 1970). He could easily get them to eat 3000 extra calories of carbs but it was a herculean effort to get them to eat just 700cal of extra fat. Food for thought, no pun intended.
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Unprocessed is the name of the game. If it comes in a packet, it can stay in a packet. I'm lucky that I live somewhere where we usually eat homegrown fruit and veg and locally sourced meats. The only processed things i eat are snacks (ramen noodles, biscuits, crisps, etc.) Instead, we have homemade dried fruit, walnuts, pecans, and yogurt (also homemade). These will be the snacks between meals if I cannot last with a cup of tea.
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Portion sizes will be reduced. I'm not going to count calories. I hate it. I either get obsessive or forget entirely. The main meals we have are pretty healthy, so I'm just going to eat off smaller plates and bowls and really focus on listening to my body as it becomes satisfied.
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The table is not laid without a glass of water. Sipping water while I eat will help me eat more slowly and be more mindful.
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I'm going to start exercising only as much as is fun. I'm out of shape. I cant do the workouts I used to. Not yet. So I'm just going to do what I enjoy, because that way I'll feel pumped to do it again tomorrow. And if I take a rest day, I take one, because exercise will get easier as i lose weight via diet.
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Lastly, I'm not going to beat myself up for failing. If I slip up, the most helpful thing I can do is forgive myself and move right along. Self hatred is how mistakes turn into binges that can last weeks and put me back to square one. I know this from getting sober. I can do this with regard to food.
So yeah, that is my plan. I'm not going to run the numbers as to how many calories I'm going to eat or how quickly I want to lose the weight. I've done that in the past and all it does is give me a measuring stick to fall short on. Maybe that's not a good idea, but I'm going to give the above plan a try for a month or so and then iterate and make adjustments.
Thank you so much if you made it through my ramble. I would so appreciate hearing from anyone who was in a similar position or has feedback about any glaring problems in the above. Thank you again for your time.
Here is to day 1!
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