WARNING: mentions of bowel movements
I am roughly 350 pounds and in my mid 30s. I have clinical depression, anxiety, low self esteem, little self worth, PTSD, BPD, ADHD, and a drinking problem. I'm a literal train wreck. Just a fat lump of fuck trainwreck.
I also am a single mom to a sweet girl from a rape. I also have no family and the rapists family is not around either.
I have never been thin. I have never successfully lost weight.
I have $600 in current medical bills that need to be handled before I can even attempt to see a dietician.
I don't know what to do. I don't know what to eat. I'm used to eating very unhealthy. In my head, I can't commit suicide but if I die at 60 like my parents did because of weight... My kid will be older than I am now. She'll be ok.
I tried to see a weight loss doctor. I refused weight loss surgery, so all they did was rx me appetite suppressants and tell me to see a dietitian and psychologist.
I was drinking those premier protein shakes that my friend was getting from Costco (1g of sugar each and under 200cal) for breakfast and lunch and then for dinner I would cook meat, starch, veggie but only eat veggies and meat. Mainly as a salad. I suck at making veggies taste good. Seasoning them and stuff. I don't know what I'm doing. I lost a whole 5 pounds that month and was sh*tting myself. Like literally what would normally be a small fart was me basically peeing out my butt (so super runny loose stools).
For various reasons, I am no longer seeing the weight loss doctor.
So now I'm back to trying to figure it out on my own.
I've asked people for their fav healthy recipes and they just send me to Pinterest, where I'm beyond overwhelmed.
We rely on the food pantries for meals thanks to inflation. I can spend $120 a month on groceries if my kid doesnt need something that month.
What do I do?
ETA WHY THE HELL AM I BEING DOWNVOTED FOR ASKING FOR HELP!?!?
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