Hey everyone, thank you for checking out my post. Pictures first https://imgur.com/a/RM1zPrx The first picture is from March and the second picture is from this past monday.
Backstory
The first time I lost a large amount of weight was January 2018. I had just broken up with a long term girlfriend and I was about 265 pounds. I met a friend through work that made me go to the gym with him every day and I had dropped down to 214 by November when my mother sadly passed away unexpectedly. Soon after my mom passed, I got back together with the same girl I was with before. All throughout 2019 and 2020, I had gained a REMARKABLE amount of weight. I was back up to 280 before I knew it and by June of this year, I had reached a record 294 pounds.
I attribute this rapid weight gain to the stress and grief of losing my mom, and I used food to fill the void. I would get Burger King from Doordash 3 times a week just to make myself feel good for a minute. The thought in my head when I ate was "I'll just eat until I die from a heart attack. I'm fine with that." Obviously that's not great but everything started going wrong.
The girl I was with for now 5 years by 2020 had started throwing out hints that perhaps I was getting a bit big, including the fact that I was suffering from the dreaded Erectile Dysfunction due to body image issues and nerves, so from that point we did not ever get physical again. That should have been a red flag, but I digress.
Journey
In June of this year, she finally decided she didn't have feelings for me anymore due to how much weight I had gained so I begged her to give me a chance to change myself and she gave me three days of me trying until she decided that's not enough and terminated a now 6 year relationship.
In retaliation, I decided I WAS going to lose weight, so I started off easy, lifting weights and walking. The first month or so was motivated by spite and it was REALLY HARD. My body was so deteriorated that walking a half of a mile put me out for the rest of the day. I would break a sweat and my heart would pound after walking up the stairs. After losing my first 20 pounds in the first two months those things started getting better. I rode the post-breakup anger motivation until I was motivated by motivation. I started seeing and feeling changes to my body.
Cut to October, I was in the midst of a hard plateau, stuck at 265 for almost two months straight. To combat it, I started reducing the amount of food I was eating as well as increasing the amount I was working out. This lead to an unhealthy obsession with looking at the scale and staying below 1000 calories a day just to make the number move. I know that's not healthy, but the pounds started falling off fast. Since then, I've basically done the same thing most days; walking 5+ miles and lifting weights while eating less than 1500 calories. That leads me to my current weight, 241 pounds. However, I can feel my mental health actively deteriorating. Every time I look in the mirror, I'm disgusted with the way I look. Some days, I'll sleep until 4 in the afternoon because I just can't get out of bed. Eating is a challenge because I feel like I'm doing something wrong by eating even though I know I have to and I gag when I'm trying to force food in my mouth. I'm always on the edge of an anxiety attack and I find myself being angry and irritable more often than not. I'm seeing two therapists and taking medication, so I am actively working on my mental health as well.
It's not all bad though. One of the more impressive things to me is stuff that I've learned about myself in this almost 7 month period. I've learned that I'm a much better singer than I had believed and I joined a choir. I can also go so far with my legs and lift so much more without fatiguing. I can do so much more without breaking a sweat or having my heart rate go up
Thanks for reading. I just felt like I needed to put my story out there. My goal is to lose 100 pounds so I'm more than halfway there!
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3JePf7L
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