Monday, June 3, 2024

Mixed emotions about before pictures. Feelings of fear and shame.

I'm 20f at 5'8, starting weight was 170, current weight 152 Ibs. I'm currently on a deficit of 250 cal per day as I feel it's right to slow down since I want to focus on sustainability and honestly I feel my body currently is healthy, and the rest of the weight loss is for aesthetic purposes. I only seek to lose about 10 more pounds or so. I don't care about the speed just progression.

I went over to my mom's yesterday, and our Christmas photos are on the wall in a large canvas frame from last December. In it I have rounder face, significantly bigger arms, and look bigger. I felt embarrassment that I went about the world looking like that, and angry at myself.

Do any of you guys experience this? Is this "eating disorder thinking" because I'm so afraid to go back to that?

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