It’s Day 1 and I’m so scared I sort of want to cry.

I’ve been chubby/large/overweight/whatever since I was a kid. And it’s....always sort of bugged me I guess.

I’ve always stress ate. Upset? Food. Scared? Food. Stressed to tears? Food. It’s a horrible habbit that I’m trying to shake, and maybe having more accountability will help me.

And now my body image issues have sort of brought me to a breaking point. I look in the mirror and I feel disgusting and I hate myself and my body so much. I feel...unfeminine and just “eugh”.

I’ve wanted to lose weight for a while. I’ve done short term exercising and saw progress (in like...tone or in how I felt, not in my weight) and that made me happy but I can’t stick to something. Not...well.

There is one thing I don’t hate about myself and that’s my “figure.” I have a large chest/hips and I think that’s been stopping me for so long. I’m so terrified of loosing the one thing that I can look at and say “that looks good, it isn’t disgusting at least.” Like...typing this has me in tears and it’s just fucking awful. I don’t want to hate myself more than I already do? I’m just...scarred. But I think for my health and sanity I need to start somewhere.

So I’m hoping perhaps this post will help me stay committed to this decision.

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Stats

Weight: 233 lbs Height: 5’5” Age: 19 Sex: Female Lifestyle: Sedentary College Student

Goals

Short Term: 200 lbs (next like..3-4 months? I’m not sure what a proper...rate of weight loss is yet.)

Long Term: 130-ish lbs to be in the healthy weight range for my size.

———————— I plan on doing a lot more reading on here and starting my calorie tracking tonight with dinner.

Any tips or advice are definitely more than welcome!!

I’m a bit of mess right now, but I did want to say thank you so much for a) helping be a part of such a supportive and educational community and b) for...reading all of this. I appreciate it.

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