Felt compelled to share this latter half of my journey. Hopefully someone can take something helpful away from it ♥️
I started this year at 136 lbs. I'd been maintaining it for a few months at that point, having lost a total of ~75 lbs since I had my third baby in fall 2016. 136 was what I weighed at my high school graduation so for those who say your hs weight is impossible....lies!!
I thought I would be happy with that weight, but then I hit it and I still hated what I saw in the mirror. My body fat % was high, and even though my BMI was perfect, I felt I looked...clumpy. gross. still fat. I thought I could solve it by getting into running and eating even less. So I started pushing myself to run 10k distances (without properly preparing my body for it) and I started eating even less. I was exercising like crazy, chasing after three small kids, still breastfeeding the third, and I was miserable. But I refused to give it up, convinced I just needed more discipline.
By the time summer came, I was waist deep in eating disorder land (not for the first time in my life) and so depressed. To make matters worse, my body had barely budged. I'd lost FOUR pounds and screwed up my knee and my bf % was 27%. Lower than it was in January but still higher than the ideal for my age/gender/etc. Seeing that almost pushed me deeper down but thankfully I'd been having some spiritual awakenings about my disordered eating by then so I was open to what the personal trainer at my gym (an acquaintance...Ive never done personal training) had to say that day.
She convinced me to lay off the cardio (I was fond of hour long super sessions where I'd try to break my personal records of calories burned per hour), to amp up the strength training, and to eat enough. It was scary. I was terrified I'd get fat again if I stopped running, if I dared to eat an afternoon snack sometimes, etc. But I couldn't keep on how I was living and I have three daughters and I was more terrified of passing my crazy on to them. So I changed. I do one cardio session a week now. And I don't berate myself if it's just 40 minutes. I started lifting and taking strength training classes. I started eating more. Still clean and healthy, still no fast food, but enough.
And y'all. I am in such a better place now. I've lost two inches in my waist since July. I'm happier. I'm not plagued with constant low blood sugar. I have energy with my kids again. I look fitter and tighter in the mirror. My husband loves it but he also loved it when I was 9 months pregnant and 210 lbs so his opinion might not count haha!
So today at the gym I stepped on the scale again, just curious. My weight? 139 lbs. I have gained seven pounds since July. A year ago, that would've sent me into a tail spin. Now though? All I can think about is how good I look in my size 6 jeans, how excited my family is for the fried fish I'm cooking tonight (sometimes I do that now....the horror ;)), how I can chase after my four year old now without having to stop because I'm so lightheaded. This is healthy. This is happy. This is what my body needs to weigh and it is good and I am not fat because my BMI is closer to 25 than it was when I weighed 132. (I'm 5'5" for reference.)
Just wanted to share this because I think it's important that we realize our weight loss goal/ideal might not be what we think it should be. You might still have to fight for contentment when you reach it. Be flexible and open. Be kind to yourself. Don't lose the weight because you hate yourself. Lose it because you love yourself. And make sure you nourish yourself every step of the way.
Much ♥️ and Happy New Year!
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2Ann8BJ
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