After a lifetime of yo-yo dieting and several years of Fat Acceptance and HAES (yeah I know... but I was at rock bottom mentally, and building some sense of self-worth and a concept of self-care completely independent of my weight was exactly what I needed before I could go on the journey that led me here), I've started making changes in my eating habits two years ago, but lost most of the weight within the last year or so. This December has so far been a great month for me, I reached clothing size M (down from 3XL), and as the absolute highlight of my weight loss journey so far, I dared to join a gym for the first time in my life and it's been absolutely amazing.
I weigh myself approximately once a month (I don't own a scale at home because I get unhealthily obsessed with numbers), and today I found that I've reached my lowest ever adult weight. This is EXACTLY the point where I would hit a wall with every single one of my diets, no matter how much I starved and tortured and hated myself, until I gave up and gained it all back.
Of course the weight loss has slowed over time, and has become less noticable in the short term. I've reduced my calorie intake according to my weight, and especially in December I've cut more calories than ever. Still I only lost 2 lbs this month, compared to almost 10 lbs the month before.
Maybe it's still the Fat Acceptance at the back of my mind, or maybe it's the voices of all the women in my life who are, one by one, going from supportive to "oh my god you need to eat a Cheeseburger you look terrible what are yo doing to yourself your body can't take it anymore"... but can it be true that this is what I'm always destined to be like? A normal BMI, a normal, healthy, conventionally attractive body size, JUST out of reach? This thought has always frustrated me to the point that I would return to my old eating habits, because "fuck it, if I'll always be the fat girl anyway".
Those of you who've made it further than me, can you tell me something that helps with the frustration?
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2Sn3FI1
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