Three things hit me this week about my weight loss. It's easy for me to look in the mirror and see the last bits of belly and chest fat (or chin fat) that I want to lose. I've started gaining from strength training, but sometimes I feel really scared that I'm getting big again. I've been pretty tall and pretty large since 11 or 12. My life is finally getting better - I never thought I'd feel the way I do today. But I'm terrified of losing what I've built for myself.
Three things I've noticed that remind me how far I've come, and that if I do regain I have it within me to lose it again.
(1) Several months ago, I got a new bed. It's lovely, and it's still intact. My old bed (which I got when I was 13 if memory serves) was a wreck. It was a Queen size (which is funny since I'm gay - hehe) and there were deep grooves sinkin in on both sides. At my heaviest, and for several years as a teenager, I was in the 320lbs - 330lbs. Two large spaces in the shape of my body sunk in on both sides of my mattress. It hurt my back and hips so much to sleep that way, but I was having a bad time mentally and felt like I deserved it. My bed no longer sinks in - but more importantly, I deserve a healthy sleep and back. We all do.
(2) I can cross both my legs down, kneecap to inside of knee. As a teenager I wasn't able to go past just over my ankle - it would hurt my hips to try. I cross my legs now all day because it's so cool to see that I can do it.
(3) With veiny hands (eew) and a defined jawline, I appear more masculine. I don't know if it's because I was heavy, or because I was young, but I always thought I looked more feminine. (I had large man boobs for years that I obsessed over, which caused me a great deal of what I think of as dysphoria.) I think this because so many men around my age (or who are just really chill) call me "dude" and "bro". Loads of people call me "sir". No one spoke to me that way before, and I'm trying to fight the urge to tell them to just call me my name. People seem to open up to me more now, to a level I've never really experienced. I can't really afford to be closed off anymore, because it appears unfriendly, so I've also become more friendly and sociable.
I'm hoping the two lighter things make up for the heavier thing (no pun intended).
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2CuEXPh
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