F 32 SW 220 CW 174 GW 136
I started getting super serious about my weight loss in July, after having already trying to get serious about it the year before, without success.
I had followed keto in the past, years ago, so I decided to give it another go.
I started doing pilates, walking the dog a few times a day, and following keto to a T and the scale started moving! I started following a bunch of fitness insta chicks for motivation and they would say the corniest things like "fall in love with the process, enjoy, stay positive" yada yada.
I'd think to myself yea right, who the fuck would love being overweight and having to correct years of bad habits? Who wants to exercise all the time?
Back in August I signed up with a personal trainer who comes to work with me at my home twice a week. I have a gym at home with a wall of mirrors and I would never look at myself while working out. I was ashamed of my body, and my ability, and my struggle. I'd stare at the ground, or a spot on the wall, anything to avoid seeing what my body looked like.
In December I stopped following the keto diet, we went on holiday and I wanted to be free to eat whatever for that week. I was petrified to go off it, but my husband was adamant that I do so. I was so fearful I would come home 10 lbs heavier. On our trip I counted calories, and ate in moderation. I felt so much anxiety that I didn't have a scale and that I was eating carbs that it really messed with me. I made sure I worked out extra crazy and was almost manic about it. I came home 6 lbs heavier,which I lost in a week and I felt like such a failure.
I had every intention of getting straight back on keto and losing the rest of my weight ASAP- that was important, that I lose the weight as fast as possible. The speed of my lose was crazy important! For personal reasons I decided to stop eating meat- which makes the keto diet hard to follow, not impossible I know, but more difficult.
About 2 weeks ago I started noticing little bumps in my body, small lumps in places I had never seen before. These turned out to be my muscles. What in the actual fuck? I have muscles?! I do, I have them. I have triceps, biceps, calfs, quads, shoulders, I have fucking muscles.
Now I can't stop looking in the mirror. When I'm working out alone I even take my shirt off to look at my body. I love seeing my body work properly- work towards something. I love looking at my chest when I do pushups and how I can see the muscles below my skin working- it's fucking incredible.
I never went back on keto. The anxiety of restricting myself really did a number on me. I'm grateful for the leg up on weight loss it gave me, but my desires have changed. It's no longer important how quickly I lose the weight, just that I get there in the end. I count my calories, eat whatever I want, and exercise.
I'm in love with the effort my body makes to get better, stronger, more fit. I'm in love with not saying I can't eat that. I'm annoyingly like those insta chicks, positive. My former self would hate who I am now! But I think I'm just becoming a more whole person, more caring, more understanding, more concerned.... with my own wellbeing than I ever have before.
I feel so overwhelmed with emotion by figuring out this self love thing- I could actually cry. I'm so happy to have made it to this place, of acceptance- 32 years is a long time to finally figure something out.
Anyways... so that happened...
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2SDB41v
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