Letting go of shame around highest weight

I don’t if anyone else can relate to this or if it was just me, but for a really long time I felt so ashamed of my starting weight, I was embarrassed that I let myself get to such high weight (130kg). When I starting losing weight and it became noticeable, I would avoid answering questions about how much weight I’d lost, what my goal weight was or how much I wanted to lose, in fear that they would do the math and figure it out; maybe I was just being paranoid, but it all stemmed from deep shame.

Last week i was having a conversation with my mother who is at a point where she acknowledges that she has to lose weight for health and overall self confidence, but confided in me that she feels hopeless as she has such a large amount to lose to reach her GW and doesn’t know where to start or how to break habits she’s had for years. This really stuck me and I could relate to exactly what she was feeling and her HW and GW were in a similar range to mine. I decided to tell them (my sister was present too) my highest weight and how much I’d so far lost (thus telling them my CW too). My mother said that this information gave her some hope for her weight loss journey, knowing that it is possible.

I can honestly say it was quite freeing, for nearly two years I treated my HW as some horrible secret, as something to hate and punish myself over; My mindset and attitude have been slowly changing, Instead i now view my HW as just the result of the unhealthy coping mechanisms I chose during a difficult time in my life. I’m in no way proud of it but I’ve accepted that it happened and not giving that number so much power and influence over me. I’m proud of myself for acknowledging I needed to change and gaining control back of my life and how far I’ve come. Though I’m still not at my goal weight, I’m currently 90kg, I’m proud of so far losing 40kg and continuing losing weight.

I wanted to add that I understand how daunting it can be to start losing weight when you have large amount to lose, what I found helps is setting small goals such as aiming for losing 1kg a wk, it eventually adds up and before you know it you’re so much closer to your goal weight than when you started.

submitted by /u/ra-e
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