[ 5'3, down to 163 from 235, for reference]
I've been great about my weight loss for the past nine months or so, I've felt better and looked better, worked out more, but I've always been an emotional eater. The past few times my feelings have flared I've been able to suppress the urge to go to food, but....today it got bad.
Today I brought my cat to the vet, thinking she may have a cold, or maybe allergies. I'd only had her four months (I'd gotten her on a recommendation from my therapist to seek an emotional support animal for panic attacks), and she was only three years old. When I left, with very little warning of what was really wrong and with nothing I could do to help, she was gone and an entire month of my rent was gone to the vet.
I live hours away from any family and I'm single, and the time of day meant my friends and family were all at work and I had no one to call. I walked in thinking she just had a kitty cold and I'd buy her a teeth cleaning after her appointment and walked out trying not to ugly cry in front of the vet techs. Afterwards, after months of clean and healthy eating I went to the grocery store in a zombie-like state, bought entirely too much crappy food and ate until I felt sick. Like...enough food to feed 2-3 grown adults sick.
I feel disgusted with myself. I'm trying to better manage my 'addiction', but its hard not to slip into old comforts when the unexpected arises. The weird thing is, I didn't enjoy the food like I had in the past. Everything just tasted too sweet, or too salty or just like nothing at all, and I hope in the future it'll be easier to remember that stuffing myself to feel better isn't quite as satisfying as I'm imagining it.
I'm still debating whether or not to check the scale tomorrow, or to wait half a week or so to undo the damage to look again. Either way, tomorrow its back to taking control of my health. Sorry for ranting, I just needed to get this off my chest, and I feel it'll help me be accountable to post here and not say 'to heck with it I'm sad' again tomorrow. Anyway, my coworkers are getting some boxes of cookies tomorrow.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2FoXaAp
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