I was in a toxic relationship off and on for 4 years. It was something I never thought I’d do.
When we met, I was well into my fitness journey. I had gone from 179 (weight I kept from my last pregnancy) to 143. At 5’4 it was still a bit overweight but I had been pretty toned at this point and looked slimmer than the actual weight.
Then I met this guy. Swept me off my feet. I wanted to spend as much time with him as I could before he’d leave for weeks at a time (musician). This meant lots of partying, lots of dinner dates, lots of Netflix.
Things started to get toxic when it started becoming an issue of me going places without him. An issue of me talking to any man, you’ve heard the story before.
So I gained all that weight back. He would criticize any food I ate, he’d poke fun at my femininity. I started hiding the fact that I’d eat candies at work, or grabbing food from the drive through in secret.
It took me two years to get from 180 down to 155 and fluctuating. All the result of getting dumped by him. But he’d come back around and tell me he was proud of my weight loss but then trying to micro manage me like I was a child. I ate my feelings. I’ve been up and down.
Now that he’s gone, I have more determination than ever to be better than I was before. It’s kind of a fuck you to him. But a blessing to me that I don’t need his validation for me to complete my own journey and do it my way.
I’ve learned a lot. I’m still heartbroken sure, but I lost time I can’t get back, I’ve lost some dignity, self respect and trust. I lost my own journey in health and in life. I stopped living for me. It’s not going to hold me back anymore, I’ll cry at the gym if I have to.
Also, I’m gonna look great when I get to Croatia in July/August.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2GPElWR
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