I just had a binge of half a pan of brownies, cream cheese frosting, oreos, chips, pizza, more brownies and frosting, MORE pizza, a huge bowl of popcorn and two ham sandwiches in the corse of 6 hours. I feel sick physically and emotionally but I can’t stop. I have this horrible feeling in my stomach (aside from the stomach ache) of guilt and regret but I can’t stop! I need to lose 70 pounds, I have high blood sugar, I’m having a diabetes scare and I’m only 15! That’s fucking horrible! I don’t know what to do, I honestly can’t stop whenever I binge but Jesus! Feeling good is just not worth it, I tell myself that every time but it doesn’t convince me. I’m starting Jan. 1st 2020 to “plan my journey” and as New Year’s draws closer I’m realizing I have absolutely no idea how to execute my weight loss. I want it to work this time. I’m tired of being the fat friend and not being able to wear cute clothes, I’m tired of looking stupid because of my stomach I just want these 70 pounds to melt away but obviously that’s not going to happen. I don’t know what to do and it scares the hell out of me.
Sorry about the rant, it was needed.
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