Hi all. I’m having trouble with boundaries in my friendship, I’ve become some sort of “weight loss coach” for my friend but I’d like to transition out of that gracefully without hurting our relationship.
Regarding myself, I started my weight loss journey in 2015. I had gained 50lbs from age 17-19. Luckily a few years later I came to a mental space where I was ready to lose it. I spent the next few years losing 60lbs. I’m now 25 years old, ~ 21 BMI and feeling content with the way I feel and look.
I have a friend that I’ve been close with since we were 15. She has always fluctuated in the overweight range. She has always had a VERY unhealthy relationship with food and body image, going to extremes usually... her weight loss efforts were never done in a self-compassionate or balanced way.
As she watched me lose weight slowly she began to ask for my support and guidance on her own weight loss journey. For the past 5 years I have tried to share as much of the journey as I could with her, in case any of it could help her. I shared my strategies, my focus on balance and self-love, and my efforts. It became a huge part of our friendship.
Fast forward to now, we’re 25. She is still yo-yo dieting despite my effort to get her into a lifestyle change mentality instead. She’s in the same place, still asking for me to help, but I feel a little burnt out of helping her to this extent. I am now in a relaxed place of maintenance and I feel like I put in my work, and want to stop allowing thoughts about weight loss to be a huge part of my day. I’ve shared the importance of self-kindness, dedication, and strategizing. She just doesn’t seem able to do it right now, or in this way. I have faith that someday she will, but I don’t feel equipped to help her get there. I also know that losing weight is hugely individual and I don’t blame her at all for her challenges she faces.
How can I nicely say that I want her to seek out professional help rather than rely on me? What should I tell her? I don’t want to make anything harder for her, I know she is struggling a lot already. (She goes to counselling, physio, etc...I feel like this is mostly mental health barriers and she may need a different counsellor...?). I have also suggested this sub as a community to seek out. I don’t think there’s anything else I can do, and quite frankly there’s nothing else I want to do at this point. I want to support and love her, but not be her therapist/weight loss coach, which I’ve sort of taken the roles of.
Feel free to share any advice, stories, or thoughts you have! Thanks!
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