And it continued through today, as well. The feeling AND the cheating.
I've been counting and doing the CICO thing along with a pretty straightforward workout routine for a little while now and I've been doing really well. Also started biking this Spring and now I use that as my only means of getting around. I feel, weigh, and look much better than six months ago by far. As I'm sure many of you have dealt with, friends had been a little weird about how seriously I was taking my new lifestyle, and often would cite the idea of a "cheat day" to get me to just loosen up for the day and let my counting slide. Well, yesterday I did just that, and holy cow am I feeling it.
I'm not sure how common this is, but I just had to vent this out there. I can totally see how falling off for one day can derail months of work. A little background since I don't know how to add the SW-CW-GW stuff to the title (any help?): Last Thanksgiving-ish I had to go to the doctor's office because I was having trouble sleeping. Well, to my surprise, I have obstructive sleep apnea. My doctor was not surprised at all, seeing as I just got weighed in at 281 lbs. They suggested a CPAP breathing machine but I wanted to try to fix it myself with weight loss and exercise. This Monday I weighed myself at 255 lbs and I was happy to see that result, but I've been sticking to 2200 calories a day for a while now and I thought I could step it down to 1500 per day and see how it goes. I'm still fairly confident this won't be too difficult to maintain, as I still make room in my daily count for soda and some snacking. At any rate, friends were pressuring for a cheat day yesterday, and since I made the decision to drop down to 1500 calories per day in the next few days, I thought I would have a little bang and get some pizzas and bread sticks.
That was the first night I skipped my workout since I started. It was also the first night I didn't count my calories since I started. A few more things happened for the first time since I started, like I wasn't able to fall asleep until almost 5am. I developed a huge headache and had to take Aleve just to go to bed. I had heartburn so bad I thought I was going to throw up, so I had to take antacid pills to function. While I was considering my workout, I just promised myself I would go extra hard tomorrow and just didn't do it. I've been feeling halfway between asleep and throwing up all day. The thought of riding my bike around made both of those feelings worse. Thinking about working out was even worse still. When I woke up this morning, there was leftover pizza in the fridge, so naturally I just grabbed it and ate it without really thinking about it. By the time my cognition was operating (I am not a morning person, sometimes it takes a bit to get going in the am), I had the expected amount of disgust with myself and thought I would make up for it tomorrow. But if there are only two things I've learned from reading this sub (there are way more than two, thanks to all of you!), they are to count everything whether you want to or not, and when you fall off, get back on. So I did. I'm kind of a facts-guy, so here's what I found out.
First of all, the same excuses I've been using to keep me obese all my life were right there, ready to go. It was SO easy to comfort myself with straight-up BS. I'll make up for it tomorrow? I'll workout harder tomorrow? Just this once is fine? This is all the SAME SHIT I've been spouting to myself since grade school. The worst part? It was automatic and I didn't question it until it was already too late.
I ended up adding up an estimate of the calories I took in yesterday. It's somewhere in the high 3000's ~ low 4000's. My best estimate is actually right around 3950. Now remember, I've been doing 2200 or less for a while now. My TDEE is around 2750 by my count, so that's a daily deficit of ~550. That also means that not only did I go over my calorie goal, I nearly doubled it. After adding in what I brainlessly grabbed this morning, I was already at my goal at 10 am. Naturally, I didn't really want to force myself to not eat anything else for the rest of the day, so I ended up going over again. Not to bore you all with all the real math-y stuff, I'll just say that in the last two days I ended up with about 3250 more calories than I've been allowing myself. Grand total? One cheat day and the following mental slip cost me 6 entire days of CICO counting, and that doesn't even factor in the lost workouts and bike riding.
I guess what I'm saying is, after experiencing my first hard slip I can definitely see how easy it is for people to fall off their proverbial wagon. I've also taken stock of the fact that the only reason I have Aleve and Ranitidine tablets at the ready is because I used to have to take them pretty much every day to function. As I ponder these things, I can't help but wonder if that feeling of halfway between asleep and throwing up is how I used to feel all the time. I think it was, and that's scary as hell.
Sorry for the giant post. I think it's my first real post on this sub, so if you're all the way down here I thank you for reading. Getting back at it tomorrow. I just had to get this all out, as I don't really have anyone to talk to about this stuff in my life. For now I have a food coma I need to slip into.
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