I know that my health all comes down to me and that I can’t blame anyone else for where I am. How I exercise and what I eat is up to me.
However, I can’t help but think that my problems with my weight and food appeared at least partly because of my family. My mom and dad are both obese. I grew up witnessing my mom constantly trying to lose weight, my dad binging on junk food, my sister’s unhealthy relationship with food, and my brother calling himself fat. I’ve seen my sister try to starve herself. Ive seen my mom go off and on of weight watchers repeatedly. I’ve heard my dad insult my mom about how she needs to lose weight.
I have never been overweight, but I have always been terrified of gaining weight. I’m scared to ever have people look at me and say “oh, she got big.” And I don’t think I’m small. I’m bigger than all of my friends, and they’ve hinted at that on several occasions (Apparently I’ve got the perfect body to be the koolaid man for Halloween. Also, if I need to borrow something, their clothes “probably won’t fit me”).
Everyone in my family is super food conscious. I hate that constant obsession. I feel like everyone is always hyper focused on what everyone else is eating. I hate when they call themselves fat or talk about weight loss or food and how many calories it has. Those subjects make me uncomfortable and anxious. Especially in quarantine, this is just super uncomfortable and I just wish I had grown up in a family that is healthy and intuitive with their eating.
What is your childhood experience in this regard? Do you think it played a part in your relationship with your weight and food?
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