This is my third or fourth time starting my weight loss journey. Every time I've made good progress, and then at some point I lose my motivation, or get overconfident that I can count calories on my own, and fall back into my old ways of overeating.
This has gone on for years, but today I am at my lowest low yet.
I have never weighed more in my entire life. I'm way past the threshold I promised myself I would never pass - 100 kg. Today I weigh over 105 kg. I don't know exactly how much because I dread the scales every day. At any other time in my life I would probably be a little bit excited to start a weight loss journey. But today I just want to cry.
I've had a rough couple of years. In three years I've experienced burnout form work, lost two close family members and watched my family fall apart because of conflict and tragedy. It's been stressful, I've been extremely depressed and I've lost all sense of self confidence and self worth. I've seen a therapist who helped put me back on the track of mental recovery - but that mental recovery also included eating for comfort and stress relief.
So here I am: fat, sad and with no trust in my own capabilities. I know I will probably fail again. But my body is aching, my clothes don't fit anymore and when I see myself in the mirror my brain is telling me: "this is not me, this is not what I look like". I want out.
My strategy is to use CICO (it has worked before - up to a certain point) for weight loss. I will also try to exercise to a certain amount to build muscle and alleviate the stress on my joints. I'm trying a lot of different kinds of exercise. I've tried running and I like it, but running too much puts a lot of pressure on my feet. I'm a big gamer and I'm very into "exercise games" like Beat Saber and Ring Fit Adventure. I hope that mixing those kinds of activities into my daily life will help.
Not overeating will be my biggest hurdle. Hunger affects both my mood and well-being in a big way, it is my go-to stress relief and in some ways I "fear" not being full all the time. This is a major psychological trigger that I have to break somehow.
I understand that this is not the best mental place to start, but I have no choice. It's either this or keep spiralling downward. Wish me luck.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/34TO384
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