(TW: Mention of suicide)
Hi! I don't know if I'm allowed to ask this here, I've been wanting to ask this question for a few days but haven't known in which subreddit to post and this one seems like a nice one.
So I (23,F) haven't weighed myself in....years. I was probably 19,20 the last time and I think it was like 130KG, probably more, I've blocked out the memory, and I almost wanted to kill myself, got very close to it.
So since then I've avoided scales and doctors as much as possible, granted I only went to one once when I got an ear infection but he didn't put me on a scale.
This last week I've gotten on this "it's now or never" mindset so I bought a treadmill, changed some eating habits and I'm going through this journey with my mom. Who really wants to track her weight loss through a scale.
I'm terrified. I'm crying just thinking about getting on one. I've always measured my very up and down weight through clothing. I have certain clothing pieces from when I was at my worst and some from when I was at my best. And depending on how the clothes fit, that's how I know where my body is. It's currently in between the two. So not the worst, but not my personal best (which isn't good either because I've had weight problems since I was a kid)
I know that it's good for motivation but I'm just concerned on the mental affect it will have. I feel like if I saw a really big number, I would spiral, as I always have. But I've never been serious about fully committing to this life change, it always lasted a month or three.
So is it possible to avoid a scale during this? Should I get one and just hope I don't end up a wreck?
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