F, 22, 5'3, SW: 184.6lbs, GW: 124.6lbs, CW: 122lbs
where do i start? i hit my goal of losing 60lbs a few weeks ago. i tried writing this post several times, but nothing felt right so i kept deleting it. im motivated to write this because these type of "i hit my goal!" posts have inspired me since i started my journey back in January 2020. however, i don't want to lie or sugar coat how i feel because i know that others feel the same.
all in all from a surface level standpoint, i'm happy i reached a goal i established for myself. i feel a sense of accomplishment for sticking to something and following through. but, when it comes to weighing 60lbs less, i have mixed emotions that aren't necessarily ALL positive. to start, i have more confidence, clothes fit me better/are easier to find as i went from a size 12/14 to 4/6, and my physical endurance has improved immensely.
however, on a much deeper level, some days i still wake up and don't feel confident. i rely on a scale for my happiness some days (even though i'm trying to maintain), and i find myself saying "f*ck it" and eating half a bag of chips and regretting it immediately after more often than before. i sometimes pride myself on going to bed hungry or eating less than my maintenance calories. these things are so hard for me to admit. i lost weight but gained other issues i need to now tackle. to be clear, i don't regret losing weight. i needed to lose weight because my physical health was depleting and i relied solely on food for emotional support. i am saying that with weight loss, i'm now at a new stage in my life where i tackle different types of issues than before. but i need to remember that if i put in the work to improve these mental obstacles i am now facing, this will truly just be a stage. or, if its long lasting, i am working on ways to better cope with these thoughts when they do pop up. things like reminding myself of my original goal to become healthier, pointing out things i love about myself, and remembering that food is meant to be enjoyed and not just to be considered "fuel" is what helps me through those negative thoughts.
and to be clear, this post is not to discourage anyone from becoming healthier. to me, losing weight should not be about vanity or fitting into old jeans. it needs to be about overall improvement of physical, mental, and emotional health. although i am dealing with new mental health struggles currently with losing weight, my physical/mental/emotional health has improved SO much because i've been putting in the work to improve all 3 since January. its better, just new/different.
my biggest piece of advice is to remember that hitting your goal weight will not result in all sunshines and rainbows. this journey needs to be about self-love and overall improvement & the only way to do that is to overcome any new obstacles in your path. you are so much stronger than you think, and you can do this.
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