(On mobile, sorry for formatting lol)
What I wanted to happen was to end the year at my first goal weight: 199lbs. I am a 5’0” 25 year old woman, and I started 2020 off with a weight of 250.9lbs. And as it stands, I’m going to be ending 2020 in 204.9lbs. I had so many slip-ups in regards to my health. I have a myriad of mental health problems, with eating disorders also thrown into the mix. Something at the beginning of the year just clicked with me, that I had to make a change for the better regarding my eating habits and my health habits.
I can’t possibly tell you what happened to make me change, or how it came to be. I just woke up one day and decided that I wasn’t going to be unhappy with my weight or with myself anymore so I started to make a change. I took an honest look at myself, and decided that if I was going to make this into full-on lifestyle change, then I’d start with the bane of all of my previous attempts: food. I decided not to look at it from the point of view of a diet. I looked at it from the lifestyle angle, and I told myself that I would not do super restrictive diets like keto (nothing against it or the people that do it; it just genuinely is not for me. You do you!) I would allow myself things like fruits, pasta, the occasional red meat, and if I was going to start eating vegetables, I’d go for the ones I do like and modify those to suit my needs. I would count calories but if I wanted a particular treat (usually a low-cal ice cream or a savory snack), I’d log that in first and work the rest of my meals around it. I want to enjoy the process, not suffer.
So after about 3 months of not lifting a finger to exercise, the weight melted off, and I started to incorporate exercise. This made it more difficult… I felt hungrier lol. I wanted to ravage everything in my way but I managed to stay strong.
I had so many mistakes. This past month alone was a whole-ass mistake in terms of my eating habits. I know I’m not finishing the year at the goal weight I set for myself to have by December 31st. And you know what? That’s okay. At least, that’s what I tell myself. And to make me feel like it’s okay, I remember that in 2020 I:
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Fell in love with yoga. To me, yoga (especially vinyasa) gives me the combination of mild cardio, with muscle building, and flexibility all rolled into one. My arms, legs, and core strength is abysmal, but I’ve gotten better little by little. I’d never fallen in love with an exercise before yoga.
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I lost 46.3lbs. That number is insane to me. I never thought I’d have the ability to lose 5lbs, let alone 46.3.
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I became more mindful of my health and my habits. I am hyperaware of what I put into my body. I don’t stress over it, not anymore, but I acknowledge what I am eating and how it makes me feel afterwards.
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Food is fuel. But it’s also something to love and enjoy.
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I started therapy to heal from my abuse and manage my PTSD. It’s going great.
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I got accepted into the forensics science B.S. program I’d been working towards all of 2019.
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I’ve accepted falling and failing. It takes me a bit, but I’ve learned to get back up on the wagon.
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I am my own worst enemy. Therapy has helped.
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Started a new crochet hobby. It’s been wonderful for me.
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Finally have come to accept how important the role of patience is in weight loss.
So if someone’s on the same boat as me, please don’t give up! Don’t be discouraged because you didn’t hit the “ultimate” goal you set for yourself. I encourage you to look back, and think on all the other things you’ve accomplished; whether it involves your own weight loss journey or your personal life or your academic life or what-have-you, there’s always something to look back on and reflect, to be proud of, or to acknowledge and take with you into the next year. I know that my newest goal in 2020 is go from 204.6lbs to at least 150lbs. It’ll take a bit, but I’ll get there.
Sorry, this was so long. I hope everyone has a better 2021, and I hope you all reach your goals. We’re all floating in the same ocean, we just have different boats to get to land :).
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