hello! This is my first time posting here, and I’m not even sure if this is the right place. I’m 18 years old and almost 300 pounds. I’m working at a summer camp in a few months where I will have to be active all day every day with young kids. I am nowhere near healthy enough for that right now. I’m embarrassed about my body which makes it hard to leave my room. I’m severely depressed which makes it hard to leave my bed. When I was younger I was anorexic. I got down to around 120, which wasn’t underweight, but I definitely was not healthy. I am 5’5. I am pretty sure my set point weight is around 150. I went to several treatment programs for my eating disorder. The most recent was about 4 years ago. My anorexia turned into bulimia and I struggled with that for most of high school. And now I am mostly struggling with bingeing, occasional purging. My body is completely messed up. My metabolism is so shit. I don’t know how to limit my food intake without eating nothing. I have always been an “all or nothing” person and I’m trying so hard to break free from that. I don’t know how to live in the middle of bingeing and restricting. I’ve seen some intense changes in my health and lab work. My doctors are hesitant to talk about weight loss with me because of my past. I was about 170 two years ago and now I’m up in the 280s. I am so ashamed and disgusted with myself. I just want to be a teenager and not have to be so self conscious all of the time. And I want to be healthy. I want to go to this camp and have an amazing time. I have to remind myself that I deserve to be healthy and happy. I deserve to feed myself nutritious foods and foods that make me feel good. I know how I’m “supposed” to eat (according to eating disorder informed dieticians) but I just can’t. And I beat myself up for being so stupid and stubborn. I don’t even know what I need. I just need somewhere to put these thoughts because I can’t talk about losing weight with anyone without raising a huge red flag. even though I’m genuinely obese. I want to feel better and be able to move more by the summer, even if no significant weight loss occurs. I want to get down to 170. but I’m not sure how to start.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/38TA9nD
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