Sunday, May 2, 2021

I never thought I'd have a weight loss "journey" to talk about...but here we go

22F, 5'4", SW: 170lbs / CW: 159lbs / GW: 145lbs

Back in early-2019, I experienced a tremendous falling out with a group of people who I considered to be my friends (my own roommate even turned against me); I was also dealing with some emotional aspects of my relationship with my partner when we had to go long-distance. I turned to eating... Domino's, Taco Bell, you name it. Being a college student, you don't have the best options for healthy food. I was consuming my emotions to cope with my depression and anxiety. Even being on antidepressants (which I already was for about 2 years at that point) wasn't enough. Food was my ultimate comfort. Through binge-eating, I went from 140 to 155 in less than two months. I also failed a class and my GPA was bad enough that my school forced me to take a semester off.

I was also in a bit of fight with my parents, so I moved in with my maternal grandmother and began to attend community college in her town. My goal was to lose weight, move on from my former friends, and prove myself to be a better student. Well, it was easier said than done. I bought a scale and downloaded an app called MyPlate. Things were going really well for a few weeks. One of the few friends I had left (and who wasn't associated with the group) was getting married. We motivated each other and I lost 6 pounds. I bought a dress and, while I still had a bit of a stomach, things felt like they were turning around. I got to see my boyfriend more and I was no longer binge-eating.

Fast forward to November 2019. My other grandmother calls me (she's an alcoholic) while she's drunk. I didn't realize it at first and I was talking about how accomplished I felt with losing just a few pounds. She starts laughing at me and mocks me by saying, "What, are you starving yourself?" She knew that I had a problem with eating too much so this felt like a punch in the gut. Yes, she was drunk, but that doesn't excuse her behavior--especially when she's pulled similar shit while being sober. I tried to visit my dad more. As much as I love him, he doesn't have the healthiest food for me to eat. The same grandmother noticed I was gaining the weight back and had the audacity to ask me, "Are you pregnant?" Wow. I played it off like I wasn't bothered but I never brought up my intention to lose weight around her ever again.

By the time I returned to my university (January 2020) after completing a successful CC semester, I felt like I could start my weight loss journey... again. However, I felt intensely discouraged when the scale now read 165. I was appalled at myself. I turned back to food, as ridiculous as it sounded. I had few friends, wasn't close at all with my new roommate, and was still in a long-distance relationship with my partner (who still did his best to support me). My emotions just weren't there. When Covid hit and I went back home to live with my parents (March 2020), I decided to work on personal projects. Then I thought about my weight again. Now I weighed 175. It was the most I had ever weighed and I literally cried. In June, I decided to start tracking my calories with My Fitness Pal and I did Chloe Ting's workouts on YouTube; I also started drinking nothing but water. I got down to 165 again and it felt great. But then my university announced that some classes were going to resume in-person learning and I couldn't back out of a credit that was required for my degree. So I went back to campus and starting consuming Bojangles (it was cheap and very convenient). I shot back up to 170 and this time my weight was "stumped"--it's like the scale wouldn't budge no matter what I did.

My biggest motivator came in March 2021 (a month and a half ago). I was alerted by a friend who showed me screenshots of the former friend group still talking shit about me. It'd been almost two years at this point and my name was STILL being dragged through the mud. And as petty as this sounds, the person talking the most shit was someone who also struggled with weight issues and they were much bigger than me--I used that as my motivation and that doesn't sound healthy, but it's what I did. My thoughts: "If this person is heavier than me, and wants to consistently talk shit even though I've avoided them and am trying to move on, then bring it. If they ever see me in person again, I wanna prove them wrong. I want to be almost unrecognizable."

So what did I do? First, I made sure that everyone who had EVER pissed me off or talked shit was blocked (Facebook, Snapchat, etc). Second, I downloaded the Fastic app and decided to try intermittent fasting. I did the 16:8 plan (where I fast for 16 hours and then use the remaining 8 hours to eat whatever I want). I drank half a gallon of water (daily) and made sure to burn 350 to 400 calories almost every day. When I lost 2 pounds in the first week, holy hell did that motivate me. I set my goal to be 145 because I figured that losing 25 pounds was realistic and healthy for me to do.

I have been doing this for 41 days now (as I'm posting this). I officially started on March 22. I have lost 11 pounds; my BMI went from 29 to 27.8. I feel happier, my skin is starting to clear up, and I feel more motivated to do several things in general (including conquering my driving anxiety). I never thought intermittent fasting would be the game changer for me. I never thought I'd lose more than 10 pounds. This is fantastic and I can't wait to update. Also, I feel so confident now that I don't really care about looking unrecognizable or "better" than my former friend. I'm doing this for me and my mental health.

TLDR: After struggling with losing weight on-and-off for almost 2 years, I gave intermittent fasting (16:8) a try with the Fastic app. I drank half a gallon of water every day; my calorie burning goal was bumped up to an average of almost 400 daily. I also made sure to block anyone who has ever wronged me--there's no potential for a reunion or "making up" so I put the nails in the coffin. Cutting toxic people out of your life really does wonders. I never thought I'd have a journey to share, but I'll be at my halfway goal (12.5 pounds) soon and I'm so happy. Also, having a wonderful and supportive significant other to reassure and encourage me is a blessing.

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