Sorry, I just want to vent my frustrations with myself on here. A few years ago, I got sick of seeing my weight stagnate around 225 lbs. As a 5'9 guy, I knew that the moment I crossed 200 lbs that my BMI was done for. After settling into a routine of being ok with 200 lbs, I had a wake up call at 225, which was the heaviest I ever weighed. I entered grad school around 205, but meandered my way to about 200 until my friends decided to start lifting together. Once I discovered biking, I was able to shed some weight over last summer down to about 190. But staying at home meant that the exercise was countered by unhealthy food. So while many people thought I "glowed up," I knew that deep down, the weight I shed was due to an inconsistent workout routine, and didn't really affect my fitness level.
I started second year of grad school with renewed energy since a lot of people validated my external weight loss. I was getting girls, and generally enjoying myself a lot. Once winter started however, I began gaining weight again. I knew that staying in shape meant that I constantly had to diet and workout, and since I'm an addictive/extreme personality type person, I was constantly seesaw into uber health conscious to uber dopamine-rush territory. Just thinking about staying fit for the rest of my life felt exhausting. And so I kept eating to deal with my stress, and now we're here.
Today, I realize it's MAy 1st. I told myself that I needed to zone into school and fitness during the month of April so that I emerge a warrior by the end and enter May with renewed focus and energy. Instead, I'm at 229lbs after starting IF and having a few binge days. I'm just heartbroken that I now weight the most I've ever weighed and I feel like I'm back at square 1. My clothes don't fit me again, and I just feel as bad as I did back then.
I know that I'll probbly cycle back down again. But, I am simply exhausted by the reality of the work ahead of me to even get back to where I was last year, never mind where I was at my fittest at around 165/175.
Yes, I know that it is a long an arduous road ahead. But does anyone ever fully lose that metaphorical feeling of having a parachute strapped to your back that tells you "you're going to fuck this up again so why bother trying?"
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3vztuI9
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