hi everyone. im (18f) and im looking for some advice on losing weight and becoming healthier. im not the most proud of my appearance, but ive always had a healthy relationship with my body. ive lose weight in the past when I was younger and unhealthy by eating healthier and watching what I ate, but I havent been able to do it again since.
my weight, as it is for many, is something that affects my confidence. im not obviously bigger, maybe a little chunky, but I weigh a surprising amount. I may look around 140-150ish, standing at about 5'6, but im really closer to 180ish. I have trouble with stamina and exercising, and anything I do, even walking at an incline, can tire me out pretty easily.
I go to a big state school with your typical unhealthy college food. there aren't a whole great deal of cooking options (no sustained access to a kitchen, and I dont have the money to eat out and buy groceries, etc). when I was younger, I calorie counted, and gave myself around 1500 calories a day, which was a change from the maybe 2500 I used to eat. there's no calorie statistics for food here which is tough. however, I could still definitely eat healthier. we have a gym that is open during covid, but I cant get over the embarrassment of others seeing me. I play soccer with some people on Wednesdays, but ive made it a point to joke about how unathletic I am, to the point where I am my own biggest bully, as I have given others permission to joke about it too.
I will be home soon. I cant really talk to my family about this, because a family friend who's a little older than me had an eating disorder when she was about my age, and my family as a result is super concerned about that. it is very sweet and they mean well, but it just makes it hard to talk about. I could not eat something because im not hungry, and they will be quick to worry and comment on my lack of eating. I dont want them to worry. I like food. I dont have an eating disorder, I just want to become healthier. they eat healthy to an extent, but just like college, it is difficult at home. cooking my own meals isn't really something they like me to do just because its like, a point of pride for my dad, and since I dont live there full-time anymore, it feels more like a visit than like, fully returning home.
I want to change. not for others, but for me. I am so quick to make fun of my weight and my unathletic nature for fear that if I dont do it first, someone else will. its like I have to be in on the joke because I think that everyone else is thinking poorly of my fitness anyways, even though I know that's probably not the case.
how do I do this? how do I eat healthier, both at home and at college? how do I exercise without feeling embarrassment? what are easy exercises that won't leave me dead but will help me build up stamina?
I just want what anyone wants when it comes to their body and their weight: to treat themselves right and know that their body has their back. when a friend says "hey, let's go on a hike!" I wanna be able to say "sounds great!" and not "oh idk id be more of a hassle than anything if I came." when we're playing soccer on Wednesdays, I wanna be there and in action, not wheezing by the sidelines. I feel as though im failing my body and then getting upset when it fails me. please help.
thank you
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