I’m 18 5’11.5 and currently 166 lbs.
I lost weight for the first time when I was like 13. At the time I was like 5’2 and weighed 145 lbs and it took me about a year to get to 5’5 113 lbs and I felt amazing about how skinny I’d gotten in order to play basketball for my school’s team but I developed a nasty habit of starving myself to do so.
Sophomore year I was about 5’10 150 lbs after another growth spurt and that the summer after sophomore year I got into lifting weights after a bad breakup as a sort of coping mechanism to keep myself busy.
A year later after working my butt off I was significantly stronger and had less fat at 5’11.5 170 lbs by the end of my junior year.
It all sounds good but over my junior year I got so obsessed with how my body looked that I developed an eating disorder which I’ve been dealing with since.
Last summer (the summer before my senior year) I started freaking out about my weight being higher than it had ever been before and in order to combat this I stopped lifting weights and started starving myself and doing a ridiculous amount of cardio everyday. I forced myself into a large calorie deficit everyday over the entire summer and barely lost any weight which led me to my current weight of 166 @ 5’11.5.
I know that based off of my height and weight I am healthy but I see myself as huge on my worst days. And my resting heart rate is at like 47 because of the immense amount of cardio so clearly my metabolism is suffering. But I almost want to lose the muscle? so I can feel skinny again, which sounds unhealthy and insane but it’s how I feel. By the time I go to college next year I just want to be a normal kid who can take his shirt off and be confident with myself.
Any advice?
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2Q0ASb6
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