Hey, guys. I’m not really sure where to post this, but I thought you guys might be able to empathize with him a little better and give me some insight.
So, my fiance (25 yo M) has struggled with his weight his entire life. His parents worked late and so he was usually left to his own devices to make dinner, which generally consisted of Chef Boyardee or Little Caesar’s pizza, and it wasn’t like he learned portion control either, so one can of Chef Boyardee was a side to be followed by a box of Cheese Nibs and two packages of ramen. We dated in high school and he was on the football team and was a much smaller version of himself. Throughout college, however, he wasn’t as active but still had the same eating habits. We broke up after high school to start our adult lives and when we got back together several years later, he was at his heaviest at 280 lbs. He was crushed that “I had to see him that way” and made an awesome effort to get back into shape. He did great for a while, but now the stress of planning a wedding is starting to take a toll and he seems to have lost sight of his goals. We’ve had a lot of conversations about how we would both like to be in better shape, if not for our health, then for the wedding, so we’ve been working on our diets together and trying to be more active.
I was blessed with a pretty health-conscious family growing up and I haven’t really developed unhealthy food habits because I’m pretty careful about what I consume, and so I feel like paying closer attention to what I eat comes fairly naturally for me. He, on the other hand, doesn’t really feel full and will eat until there’s nothing left. We’ve had conversations in the past where he’s asked me to help him understand portion control better because “apparently [his] body is a bottomless pit.” And I try. I really do, but I hate feeling like the bad guy when I say that maybe he should let it rest and see if he’s still hungry. He gets so defensive, but I don’t know what to do. I would love for him to be healthy and feel good about himself, but I don’t want to keep having to figuratively slap his hand away when he starts to overeat.
Also, some important information about me: I’m 4’10” and 115lbs. I eat less than an average size person and I’m sure my perspective is skewed on what an average person should eat, much less a man of 5’11” weighing 260 lbs. I’ve asked him to track his macros and eat for what fits his caloric goals so he knows what works best for him. He gets upset when I ask him as he’s reaching for a second helping of a pretty calorie rich meal if it fits his goals. I just don’t want to be the bad guy but I really want him to reach his goals.
TLDR; Fiancé has asked for my help with portion control but doesn’t receive my help well. How do I support him without hurting his feelings?
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