I spent all of my skinny years thinking I was fat.

As the headline states, I (34f) spent all of my skinny years thinking I was fat.

I was always a chubby kid. I was bullied horrendously for it. I started losing the weight when I was about 11/12. Then a teacher started grooming and then abusing me when I was about 12 too. Bullying and abuse. It sucked. I tried to tell adults about the abuse, but nothing was done to save me. I remember clearly thinking that if I get fat again, my abuser will leave me alone. Fat people are ugly and undesirable. So I got fat again. Deliberately.

I was removed from the school when someone finally stepped in to stop the abuse when I was 16.

I started losing weight again, but couldn’t cope with the male attention I got. Abuse fucks you up that way. So I got fat again. Fat = safe in my head.

I lost weight again in my early 20s and started dating. I was also diagnosed with depression and put on meds that made me gain weight. Then I dislocated a knee, had glandular fever (mono) for 6 months and got out of bed 30 kgs (66lbs) heavier.

From then on, I’ve just been getting bigger and bigger. I’ve had some lighter years, but the weight keeps coming back on and then adding more.

Two weeks ago I was the highest weight I’ve ever been. 153.3kgs (337lbs).

I started the 8 Week Blood Sugar Diet by Michael Moseley two weeks ago. This morning I’m 10kgs down (22lbs).

I had success two years ago with this diet, so I’m back on the horse. It’s no longer a diet but the way I’m going to live for the rest of my life.

I’ve also dabbled with IF, so am sticking to a 16:8 IF pattern, with the occasional 20:4.

I’ve read The Obesity Code by Jason Fung, as well as the ultimate guide to fasting. I’ll be adding in some 48-72 hour fasts after the initial 8 weeks of the BSD.

I’m working on my mental health issues too in conjunction with the weight loss. Anxiety and PTSD have also been added to my diagnosis of depression.

I can already feel my mood is getting better, now that I’m not feasting and then crashing my blood sugar constantly. I feel like I can do this now. I’m in control of my food. I don’t need to hide. Fat =/= safe anymore.

I spent my skinny years feeling fat.

I’m spending the rest of my life healthy. Healthy food, healthy mind, healthy body.

Help keep me accountable and on track please ☺️

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