I've lost 10 lbs in 5ish months, about ~2 pounds per month give or take. It's taught me the importance of resisting instant gratification. I remind myself of the times I'd binge on pills for a week and lose 5 pounds in a few days... then gain 7 back almost immediately. That's how I gained all this weight to begin with, the cycle of rapid weight loss and then rapid gain. Yeah, it'd be great to see the number go down super fast on that scale... 0.5 lbs/week (if that) is tough to swallow when you're used to getting that RUSH of seemingly instant weight loss. Gradual and slow weight loss has caused me to relearn how to be patient and diligent. I fucking miss popping uppers and not having to eat for days and days... even though I was miserable, my hair was falling out, my skin was terrible, and I was bloated from alcohol on top of it. Screw that. No, I don't miss it. I've lost 10 pounds, and it was HEALTHY! And it's staying off!
MyFitnessPal has shown me that I am capable of holding myself accountable, and almost more importantly it's taught me that I am able to enjoy things I crave in moderation. When I was still actively using and struggling with substance abuse, I'd tell myself "just one or two pills to take the edge off..." whether that'd be benzoes or amphetamine or vicodin, and of course, it would never work. I could never stop myself. I figured I couldn't do it with food either, or alcohol for that matter. So, I'm gonna be overweight forever, right? Wrong. I quit using drugs, I can reverse this. Logging my calories has forced me to learn what moderation actually is, and the importance of being honest with myself.
In addition to MFP, intermittent fasting has been crucial in helping me learn to stick to a routine, to plan things ahead of time and to just deal with occasionally being uncomfortable. Feeling kinda hungry at 8:00 PM? Sorry, you don't eat after 6:00. Damn, oh well. Have a glass of water instead.
Couch to 5k (C25K) has shown me that I am capable of setting goals and working hard to achieve them. It's also taught me that it's okay to be out of shape, and that I shouldn't expect to be in shape right away just because I happened to be super fit TEN YEARS AGO. Snap out of it, girl... you're about to be 30. I held on to who I used to be for so long, and I've had to face the ugly truth that I'm just not that same athletic fit little 20 year old anymore. BUT, I can get back to it. Because in 86 days I went from barely finishing jogging for 60 second intervals, to jogging for thirty minutes straight without stopping. I had to be patient after an ankle injury, but for the first time I didn't let a set back STAY a set back.
C25K has helped me the most in giving me a bit of my old life back. I remember now what it's like to feel like I've accomplished something. Nobody did this for me, and I didn't cut any corners... I didn't lie, or steal, or cheat. I ran. I got up at 5:30 AM every other morning for 12 weeks, and I fucking did something that was HARD and I did it WITHOUT USING DRUGS, and I sweat and I fought the urge to quit. When I couldn't complete a run, I logged it as "extra practice," and then tried again until I could do it. There was a time, not so long ago, for many years I believed I was useless without drugs. Fuck drugs. Oh, and also, I can't also drink alcohol AND get up early the next morning and run. Sometimes I can have a couple glasses of wine the night before a rest day, but only if I can fit the calories in. :) You see... accountability! Moderation! I'm doing it!
Anyway, I am still in recovery. I have a long way to go, and I struggle with cravings pretty much every day... but, I think about drugs less and less, as I focus more and more on things like yummy sounding new recipes. We can all do this. We can beat our demons.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2FsLE7A
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