Pretty sure I'm losing weight, but I don't weigh myself. Anyone with an ED in this sub is encouraged to reply! I'd like to know I'm not alone.

Weighing myself is especially triggering for negative mindsets for me.

I'm doing what I need to do for weight loss, and I see it a bit already, but I'm just relying on how my clothes fit and what I see to know if I've lost weight. I am not losing weight primarily for looks. I'm happier with how I look than I ever have been, but I am big. And being big has negative consequences for me. Y'all know what many of those are. Small dating pool, social problems, not able to walk far distances, limited clothing options, possibly diabetes or high blood pressure.

There are negative consequences for being large. Many people in ED recovery have made peace with these consequences and don't mind staying that way. I am not one of those people.

In the past, I have spiraled down into deep, dark places when I weighed myself or measured my body. I have starved myself and overexercised to the point of collapsing and always feeling lightheaded. So I'm trying to do it right this time... for my health. No lower than 1200 calories, and I eat a treat if I want a treat. Just no binging or starving/purging behaviors.

I'll give a little information about myself.

Basically I have been overweight my entire life. I was completely addicted to food with no compensating behaviors. I just kept eating and gaining weight.

In 2014, I decided I was tired of being fat, and lost about 3 pounds a week by starving myself and overexercising. I was in denial at how sick I actually was and how obsessed I was with my body and weight. All I thought about was food, losing weight, and how to burn off calories. I obsessively checked the mirror and was suffering horrifically from body dysmorphia. I also was extremely uncomfortable with the fact that I was seen and noticed by many people, to the point of harassment and catcalling. I felt like my skin was inside out, and I just wanted to hide.

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I associated my worth with my weight in a huge way. I lost about 70 pounds and gained it all back.

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So... here I am again. I have not tried to diet in about a year because I was scared of becoming anorexic again. For about a year, I have been convinced I can't lose weight in a healthy way and that I am doomed to fatness forever.

Well, in this new year, I'm trying different. I'm going against the notion that I can't lose weight because I have an eating disorder.

I am not doing this to punish myself, I'm not doing it because I hate myself, I'm doing it because I deserve to be a healthy weight. I deserve to fit into my nice clothes. I deserve to be free from excessive fatness.

Sooo... no scales. I have pictures though. I will take more pictures in about six months.

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I have been doing well so far, and I'm very pleased about it.

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Disclaimer: I have a therapist. :)

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Just wanted to share what I am doing!

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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2W0nqHY