Friday, January 4, 2019

Years long weight struggles, I know I can beat this

Hi, this is my first post here. I’ve been lurking for about a year.

When I was younger I used to do sports a lot and I spent most my time outside. I did korfbal (Dutch sport, a bit like basketball), tennis, and soccer and could eat whatever I wanted. Also I didn’t have any money so I didn’t buy junk food and my parents always made sure I ate healthy food.

In high school I developed major (clinical) depression which I have been struggling ever since. I also got enough pocket money to buy junk food and unhealthy snacks and start my comfort eating habit. At first this wasn’t much of a problem, because I was still relatively active and growing, but when my depression got worse I stopped doing sports, spent a lot of time in bed, and it was around the same time that I reached my final height. However, I did not stop comfort eating. So I kept gaining weight.

Over the years I’ve tried to lose weight quite a few times, with wildly differing results. I started taking anti-depressants and became more active again. Last year I started the year of by losing 7 kilos (85 to 78), using CICO and MFP, and felt like I could easily keep on going. But then I got to (finally) start taking testosterone (I am a trans* man), and I became very hungry all the time, and my anti-depressants got less effective as well.

So I gained 12 kilos in the past few months and am now at my all time high of 90kg (198.4lbs). I’ve started eating less and more healthy again in the last few weeks of 2018, and have been trying to stay active as well. I know I can lose the weight, a bit at a time, but tend to fall back in bad habits when things don’t go quite as I expect (or when my birthday comes around and I cheat, and feel like I may as well cheat some more).

I really really really want to keep up with my weight loss this time, though, because of my probable top surgery next summer. The best results are possible when you are a healthy weight.

I will try to post updates as the weeks/months pass.

Finn

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