I’ve followed this subreddit for years and years and so many of you guys have truly inspired me, I’ve seen some amazing stories. You guys are so strong and it always seems like you know what you’re doing. This is the reason why I’m posting here - because I bloody LOVED this place. But I think this weight loss gig is not for me, I can’t separate extreme guilt and sadness from food and one day it’s gonna take me away.
I’m crying right now as I type this. I just feel like I’m at breaking point now. I have tried so hard for the past five years to break out of the restrict-binge-fast-binge cycle and lose excess weight but I just can’t. I’m 27 now and my problem with food started when I was 18 - that’s a long, long time to struggle. You know what, my BMI is 21, it’s not overweight, what the hell is wrong with me?!
I spent the past three weeks eating at 700 calories only to binge in secret if I ate 10 calories over, which of course I did because 700 calories is nothing. I plan healthy meals at 1200 even 1600 calories and I just can’t do it, I absolutely must binge. You offer me a slice of pizza? No thanks, I’ll just buy two large ones for myself when I get home. One small brownie square, I’ll actually have as many as I can physically stuff in my throat. God dammit. I’m tired of this.
I have had three sessions of really motivating and helpful and really useful professional CBT over the past five years. Private and state funded. I’ve really learned a lot and picked up all sorts of techniques. Things go really well for maybe six months and then I relapse. What upsets me the most is that I can actually do it! I can really eat normally like other people do but I always fall back to my bad ways.
I’m wondering to myself - maybe weight loss and CICO just isn’t for everyone. I don’t know how to be happy with my body and eating and I can’t go back and do CBT for the fourth time.
I’m saying goodbye to you guys, it sounds so pathetic as it’s “just an Internet forum” but I check this subreddit as soon as I wake up, when I’m bored/sad/looking for motivation, before I sleep. You guys keep doing what you’re doing, I really admire you!
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2V7Aj1E
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