How much support do you get from your SO regarding your weight loss/fitness goals and are you happy with that? Have you had to tell your SO to step off or step up? And how was that received?
My SO provides an amazing amount of support, but he sometimes "supports" in a way that comes off hurtful. I struggle often with telling him how I want to be supported without sounding like I'm either being contradictory or extremely picky about what he's "allowed" to say. (I never want to seem like I need to "grant him permission" to be honest with me.) His biggest problems and examples are below - but I'm curious about other couples where one or both individuals are in the process of losing weight, and how "support" is communicated (either effectively or ineffectively).
He's Too Honest Sometimes - I reached my lowest weight as an adult (about 10 lbs less than I weigh now). I made the mistake of telling him how this was the first time as an adult that I actually kind of felt comfortable in my own skin. I actually started to like how my body looked. In an attempt to provide "motivation", he basically told me I shouldn't be so content until I've reached my goal and that it wasn't good to "give up" so early. I was still 30 lbs from my final goal had no intention of giving up and I never said that I was - but him coming out with this speech at that particular moment made me feel like I didn't have the right to feel good because I still wasn't good enough. I get it if that's how he felt - and he has the right to feel how he feels, but it hurt bad.
He Ties Our Relationship Directly Into My Weight - He thinks he's being motivational when he talks about getting married when we've come closer to reaching our goals. In a way, this is a motivation because of course I want to kill it in a wedding dress; in another way, this makes me terrified for the day I might get pregnant or experience some medical problem and end up gaining a few again and suddenly I'm not a "good wife". Like the reading on the scale is directly relative to our quality of relationship.
He Thinks "Control" = "Help" - He bought us a package of strawberry mocchi for Valentines. It was understood we were splitting it. I assumed I could eat my 360 calories of mocchi whenever I wanted to since they were mine. Since Saturday was a high-cal day for me (I'm doing a 5/2 IF plan) and Sunday was not, I wanted to eat them when I had the room, but he gave me one and then put the package on the highest shelf of the closet where he knew I'd have trouble getting to them. When I complained, he said he was "just trying to help me savor them", but it felt like he was trying to control my intake. He also regularly buys treats for himself and then hides them from me - and writes his name on his leftovers even though it's just the two of us. He states this is to help me avoid temptation - but it really just feels like he thinks I'm some uncontrollable binge eater, when I'm not. I've had my moments, but never to the point where I steal someone else's food.
Apologies if this is not appropriate for this sub. Last time I posted something similar in the relationships sub, I was met with quite a few trolls, so I thought I would try here.
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2V14ffI
No comments:
Post a Comment