It's the first of the month....

.. but that's not why it's time to start. So many "firsts of the month," or "this monday"s have come and gone. Basically two years worth. Yet here I am. I have the resources. I have the support. I have the knowledge. Yet here I am. Still unhappy with my weight and how I got here. Eating my feelings.

Life is full of stress. I can't wait for it to be gone (because it never will be) or for the time to be right (whatever that means). I need to prove to myself, once and for all, that I am capable of making the right choices and changes. Now. Not later. Not after one last cheat meal. Not after I can arrange my schedule better.

Sorry this is a little rambling. But I wanted to put this out there. Starting right now, inconveniently on a Friday (I kid), I am going to do the following:

• Stop drinking diet sodas and energy drinks. I pretend they're harmless because they're zero calories. But in reality, the fact that I wake up in the morning and want to drink a soda is pretty gross. I think it is contributing to my cravings for junk. I've given it up before, but somewhere along the line I thought I could moderate it. And maybe compared to some people, I do. But I hate that craving for it.

• Relatedly, cut way back (if not completely) other artificial sweeteners and added sugars. Again - I find these trigger my desire for more sweets. It's time I learn to drink my coffee black. And if I am cutting the obvious added sugars (candy, chocolate, desserts), I will be greatly improving my health.

• Make every day a nonzero day in terms of exercise. I know many of you will tell me weight loss comes from the food you eat. And I agree. However, I personally find it easier to eat better when I am active. Lazy me skips a workout and then says fuck it, let's get wings. If I am active, I want to fuel myself in a way that makes my body feel better. By aiming for nonzero days instead of perfection, I hope this helps my all-or-nothing mentality. If I can only muster five pushups, that still counts. If I go to yoga, that counts. A short walk, counts. Sure, I have plans for certain amounts of cardio and weightlifting, but life getting in the way won't derail me this time. I can do ten bodyweight squats before I get in bed and call my day a win.

• Really try to do intermittent fasting. (12:00pm - 6:30/7:00pm) I am naturally not hungry in the morning, and the bulk of my emotional eating comes at night. (When I am alone.) If I can stop eating after dinner, I will be more successful. Even if it means giving in to the food I want, but only during my eating window, I will be pleased with my progress. (Note: I do not mean free for all bingeing during eating hours, but rather if at night I feel like digging in to some chips/sweets, I put it off until next day when I break my fast - chances are I'll have forgotten/the craving will have passed.)

I want to feel fit again. I want to feel confident. I want to achieve something and be a good role model for my young daughter. If anyone can relate, has advice, etc., please let me know.

Also, if anyone wants to accountability buddy, that would be cool.

I don't know how to do flair, but here's my stats:

F/29/just under 5'4 / CW: 146lbs / GW: 120lbs

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