This is a throwaway because for some reason in a way I feel embarrassed about trying to lose weight. I don’t wanna tell anyone that I’m trying to lose and honestly I DONT KNOW WHY. There’s nothing to be embarrassed but I just I don’t know. I see all these girls in bikinis being confident of themselves and I want so fucking badly to be them. I love the beach n feeling the wind in my Hair is the best feeling but I can’t help but feel insecure when I’m out even in a one piece. I wanna post photos on Instagram feeling and looking my best self. I wanna be pretty not cute n chubby.
The thing I fucking hate about weight loss is situations. It sounds like I’m complaining but I’m a full time student and I have a part time job. Sometimes I really have no fucking time to food prep, to count calories, to go to the fucking gym and to not eat just the fast food or cafeteria shit. This bitch has to fucking study n chase her dreams. It’s just so frustrating to have this added task to lose weight. It sounds like I don’t wanna but FUCK I WANT TO SO BADLY.
Not to mention I have siblings! yay n their skinny lol,, I’m just so fucking sick of being the fat sibling. I was never morbidly obese but being called fatty or 胖子 (fatman) is so fucking tiring. for so Long I told myself I’m not that fat right? That’s till recently I saw this picture of me and I was so fucking disgusted. u know when bitches see a pic of someone n judge them sayin like oh that shirt is too small for her or she totally shouldn’t be wearing that. I was doing that to myself. I tot I looked so fucking disgusting. Man. I’m just so sick of looking like this n I wanna change something.
Next year I’m one year older (Oh mY God RIgHt) but next year my goal is to go to the beach in a bikini n be fucking proud of myself n post a picture on my Instagram of me in it. I’m ready for the pain. I’m ready for the suffering. I’m ready for the occasional hunger strikes within myself. I’m ready to cry n work hard and I’m so fucking ready for my weight to be gone.
goals: lose 28kg by December 2020 flat stomach Better outlook on my body image and food in general. post a pic of me in a bikini n not archive it immediately lol Better mental health love myself.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/35BWR06
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