I went to the doctor yesterday. I just started a new sexual relationship so I was getting an STD/STI test. I didn't want to step on the scale knowing it will say I gained. I'm going to be very candid. I'm fat. I've always been fat. Sometimes I am fatter. Sometimes I am not as fat. I'm comfortable in my 5'9" body around 215 lbs. Which is where I started 2019. Some shit happened at the end of 2018, that went into 2019. Then over the course of 2019 some other shit happened. All of which has been extremely heart breaking, boundary testing, expediting personal growth, all of the things that a shitty year should do for a person. Now it's the end of the shitty year, and I am me. I finally like who I am. I love this person I'm growing into. Even if other people can't tell, I can tell I'm a different person. A more spiritual person, a more connected person, a more authentic person that is attracting honest, authentic people into my personal circle. And I'm living by boundaries which I never had boundaries before or even knew how to use them.
So back to the doctor. And the scale thing. I knew I gained. I'm an emotional eater. And while I was a social drinker before, this year I became a daily craft beer drinker. I was just surprised by HOW MUCH I gained. I gained 40 pounds in the course of a year. In a year! I've been thinking about the drinking for a while now. And it's time to give it up. It's not helping me with anything. In fact I've reacted poorly to a lot of my emotional situations because of it.
I don't know what I'm doing here. Maybe just sharing my story, my emotions, and my plan just to have someone to share it with. Steps 2 and 3 are already in motion, not intentionally part of a weight loss plan but just to make life more easy and enjoyable.
So step 1 for sure is to cut out drinking. Besides fucking shit up all around, it's also super expensive! If giving up drinking proves to be harder than I thought, than I will be attending AA meetings.
Step 2. Food. I signed up for Freshly. It costs the same as grocery shopping but saves time cooking and meal prepping. And it's portioned. I've also decided to utilize Intermittent Fasting, or, as it's easier on my psyche, skip breakfast.
Step 3. Exercise. A couple days ago I signed up for a year long plan at a yoga gym that has various classes for all body types. They have high and low intensity classes every day and I figured this would probably be a great way to get into stretchy sex shape. And since I'm beginning a new relationship, I want to be stretchy and sexy, and in shape for those things.
Step 4. Water water water water water.
If you've read this far, thank you. I'll update from time to time. It's time to crawl out of the sadness hole and focus on my health.
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