Stats right now: Female, 18, CW: 200, Height: 5'10 This might be a bit long, but please bear with me! I am not 100% sure if this is the appropriate place to post this, so please let me know! I really, really need help. I have always been overweight. Not obese, but definitely heavy. In sixth grade, I discovered tumblr and developed some sort of eating disorder without truly knowing what an ED was. I have never been diagnosed because I have always been overweight, but I know the way I think about eating and weight loss isn't healthy at all. At first, it was just immense calorie restriction (I limited myself to maximum 1000 a day). Since I was heavier, no one really noticed when I lost my first 20 pounds. My parents were proud because they just assumed I was finally shedding my baby fat. When that initial weight loss inevitably plateued, I was confused, and thus began my spiral downhill. It's been about 7 years of on-and-off immense restriction/not eating. Some years, it was extremely bad (junior year especially when I was stressed about college applications) where I'd just try to starve myself. Other years, I'd go into intense restriction. Most recently, I just got off about a year of intermittent fasting for 24 hours, eating one meal a day, and obsessively working out. Throughout these years, I've never lost more than 20 pounds at a time. For the past month, I've really given it my all to try and recover. I've been trying to eat regular meals, but I still find myself obsessing over macros and calories. I still work out, but I don't beat myself up over cheat days. I decided I want to finally lose the weight, healthily. I'm coming on here because honestly, I don't know what to do any more. I think that the years of constantly putting my body into such a low deficit has really fucked over my metabolism, because I can't even eat more than 1000 calories now without gaining weight. I'm honestly so used to eating under 700 calories a day now that it's just... normal for me. Nothing seems to be working. I'm scared of fallling back into my disordered tendencies because it's so much easier for me to eat less than to eat healthily. I just want to be at a healthy weight, and to look at my body and feel good about it. I've briefly looked into the refeeding process, because I know some bodybuilders who put their bodies into an extreme calorie deficit for an extended period of time do this in order to get their metabolism back on track. I just don't know where to start. I should also add that I'm currently a first year in college, and eat all my food at the dining halls. Please let me know if this is something anyone else has dealt with, or if anyone has been in a similar situation as I am right now. I just want to be happy and healthy.
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