Saturday, September 12, 2020

Bingeing and Regaining.

I feel weird and vulnerable posting this here but I’m doing it anyway.

Backstory: Went from being 295 lbs in 2017 all the way down to 168.3 lbs (my lowest weight ever) in April of this year. I was doing really well at the beginning of quarantine/all the shut downs, until the last two months or so.

I’ve always always always struggled with binge eating, even throughout my weight loss. I would go periods of time without doing it, get into a lower weight range, and binge a little. Doing that worked for the most part, for a while. Recently though, it’s been so bad. I’ve been having a super hard time coping with things this year, and have turned to food for emotional relief. And let me tell y’all - when it rains it POURS. I’ll look back at how much I ate and think “how did I even get all of that inside my body?”

Since the end of July, I’ve gained over 20, yes TWENTY lbs. I wish I could say that was just bloat but I know it’s not. Not when I’ve been careless and eating way out of control for the last two months. I feel so hopeless and powerless against this. I feel like I’m never going to be able to beat this. I feel like I’m right back where I was at 295 lbs. I’ve never liked using the ‘food is an addiction’ bit because I felt like I was able to overcome that, but the last few months have shown me that this is a lot tougher than I really thought.

I don’t really know where I was going with this, but I needed to talk about it. I hope some of you can relate. I don’t really like asking for advice on this sort of thing, because everyone is different, but any support is welcome. If you got this far, I just wanna say thanks for listening, and I wish you the best on your journey.

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