Lost 30 pounds in 2 months before COVID hit. Now I've gained back 50. I lost every ounce of drive and willpower I had before, and I'm left with pure hatred of my body.

This is more of a vent post than anything. Maybe someone else has had big weight-gain because of the virus.

I was doing fantastic and in one of the best shapes of my life in Jan-Feb.

I have severe anxiety and the virus became sort of an obsession for me once it really got rolling. I immediately threw out my diet because I was so scared I and my family were going to die of illness, I didn't have the mental fortitude to deny myself food anymore. Food became a comfort.

Now I'm starting to come out of the hysteria of earlier this year and I've made a few half-assed attempts to get rolling with my weight loss again. The problem is, I have this thing now where I *literally cannot go to bed hungry*. If I feel hungry, my body forces me to eat. It's as if I have no control.

It's like all of my willpower has been sapped away, and it's so damn frustrating. I know I'm a coward for blaming all this on the virus. I must have been a really fragile athlete if all it took to destroy my resolve was a little bug.

Anyway, I'm not trying to throw a pity party, just kicking myself in the ass to get going again. Fake it till you make it.

I've logged 2400 calories in FitnessPal for the past week, I find it literally impossible to force myself to eat anything less than that. That's the absolute lowest I can go. I used to do 1500 a day no problem.

FML

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