I gained a bunch of quarantine weight, like everyone else, and I’ve always been a little on the chunky side, just never properly overweight. Now I’m calorie counting and dieting and at first it was fine but every time, my whole life, I always develop a borderline “what if I developed an eating disorder” kind of mentality. Like I have yet to go over my daily calories but I keep pushing myself to have a wider gap, to eat even less and exercise more. I always torture myself by googling stuff about weight loss (why does 90% of the internet treat weight gain as a moral failure?) and I’m obsessively entering lower and lower weights into BMI calculators (I keep using Asian BMI calculators even though I’m middle easter because I’m afraid of being considered fat by anyone) and checking celebrity waist sizes. It’s gotten to the point where these days when i see something that says “oh that’s too few calories, that’s not healthy, I’ve been thinking, “oh, well I don’t want to be healthy, I just want to be skinny” or “but I’d be prettier, and no one will make fun of me and I’d look better in clothes, so what’s in matter if it’s good for me or will inevitably yo-yo” and then I over do it and end up in such a calorie deficit and bad headspace that I wind up binging... is it even possible to have a healthy outlook on weight loss if the bulk of your motivation is you don’t want to be seen as fat by others? How do you lose weight for yourself?
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/32Ka2Nd
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