tw // anxiety, body dysmorphia
ive been on a very rollercoaster/yo-yo weight loss journey that ties a lot into my very, very shitty mental health. I am a transmasc person so my body ties A LOT into my self image and for a while in this body i look at my face and then i look at the rest of my body in the mirror after i get out the shower and i feel photoshopped onto someone else. i dont recognize it and it doesnt feel like me so ive been trying to lose weight.
I got a very physical job and since starting ~2 months ago ive lost inches everywhere and gone down clothing sizes and started to feel marginally more comfortable. It LOOKS like i lost twenty pounds. my hoodies go over my hands now and are getting big on me.
but i havent lost anything.
a couple of years ago i lost my opportunity at something I'd been working very hard at getting and was pretty much my only goal and this feels the same. i have anxiety and i dont like change and i need things to go the way that they have before and the way i want them to but when that doesnt happen what do i do?
i feel like i dont even know what im working towards at this point. i feel really lost and angry and frustrated.
knowing a lot about health, i know i shouldnt focus on the number on the scale but its a 28.5 BMI. how could i not? im not happy in this body. i dont want it.
i dont even know where im supposed to go from here.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3c5WH4Z
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