I struggle with buying clothes now that I've lost weight

TL;DR: I struggle with buying clothes because I'm still mentally convinced I'm the same size I was 50lbs ago.

For context:

• 5'3 trans man (2 years on T)
• Starting weight was 256.8
• Current weight is 207.9 (been fluctuating around the 50lbs lost mark for awhile)
• Goal weight is 170ish (going to get to ~170lbs and then adjust from there)
• IWL has been going on for just over 6 months
• Sizes have gone from an XL (really should've been wearing 2XL tbqh) to L tee shirt, 44 to 38 or 40 pants, and size 10 to 8.5 shoes.

Currently doing low carb and trying to get my metabolism back up (so I'm not really doing CICO atm). My metabolism was tested at just over 1200 calories, so I'm eating 1800ish a day and working out to bring that up. I run at least 3x a week, and then I'm trying to add strength training in there as well. It's been hard with classes to get consistent work outs in, but I'm getting there. Getting monthly body comp testing and metabolism testing every 3 months. I also see a dietician who guides what I eat, and a therapist to deal with stress + history of EDNOS (mainly bingeing).

Now the actual post:

Okay. I am at that point with my weight loss where I have to buy new clothes. Like, my old clothes are literally falling off me. I didn't really save my old clothes from pre-weight loss because I was convinced I'd never be that small again. Well, approximately 50lbs later, and I am that small again. And I don't have a lot of clothes that fit. Problem is, with COVID, I end up buying a lot of stuff online. I will take my measurements, and I will say "There's no way I'm that actual size, that's way too small!" (and order that size anyways). When it comes in, it fits perfectly, or it'll sometimes be too baggy (but never too tight). I will even open the package and get really scared because there's no way I'll fit in something this small. Lo and behold, it fits perfectly. Same thing happened with shoes - I was in denial for ahwile that my shoes really were getting too big, and when I got new shoes I didn't believe they would fit.

It's weird because I'm still kind of stuck in this super-fat-guy mindset (don't get me wrong, I'm still much larger than I want to be). I don't look in the mirror often due to gender dysphoria, but when I take selfies, I don't recognize myself half the time. Buying clothes is hard because I can't see how I fit in the size the store says I need. I sometimes struggle to navigate through life - I'll be surprised to be able to sit in a chair that I used to not be able to fit into or I can squeeze through spaces that used to be impossible.

It's like my mind hasn't caught up to my body yet. My question is - am I alone in this? Has anybody else gone through this? How long will it take to adjust?

submitted by /u/queerlycatholic
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