~a series of events~
hi, 18f 5'9 sw 290 cw 245 here. basically I'm going to rant idk
we start in December of last year where i spent a week in a psych ward. essentially I was super depressed the months prior to that and ate as a coping mechanism because feeling full was better than feeling empty. broke down around finals week at my university thus leading to my mental hospital escapade. it was here that I told a lot of people things for the first time and gained a new sense of gratitude for all that I had. this isn't a mental health sub but I think my mental health has been critical to my story as will be developed on later.
flash forward to march. during this time, I had been a dating guy online and he was flying out to meet me. i was still around 290 here and i had sent him pictures of me but was essentially like there's no way he's gonna still be attracted to me. (I also find it important to mention that he was a skinny guy with a relatively large following in the video game scene so I was pretty much already convinced he was out of my league) Anyways, he came and surprisingly he wasn't repulsed by me. it was the first time I had really done things intimately with a guy and I think meeting him and having sex saved my life. literally. both mentally and physically. it taught me that I could be loved and attracted to whereas before i was quite convinced i couldn't be (or at least that I couldn't be loved or attracted to when someone knew what my body really looked like). i was filled with a new sense of self-love and confidence that I had never had before and I finally didn't feel completely terrible and miserable with myself. mental illness= CURED? just kidding, but really-- my mental was in such a better place.
further flashforward to may. me and this dude broke up in april but it kinda didn't matter in the grand scheme bc he gave me the most powerful realization-- i, literallyvibingrn, was LOVEABLE?! and guess what that meant reddit; it meant i could love myself. so here i was, a living breathing virginity-less bad bitch, going on my dandy way through life. with my newfound sense of self-love, i finally decided it was time to stop treating my body like trash and give it and myself a new life it deserved. thus, weight loss. the motivation did not come entirely super easily though. however, i somehow managed to become intimate with an OLYMPIC fucking ATHLETE and i was like holy shit how have i managed to get here? then my motivation for weight loss came from wanting to be better for him. we still talk and are in a good place and i still do want to get better for him but really, i want to be better for me. realizing that these people could love me made me realize i was a fool to ever feel unloveable and it's kinda dumb that it took validation from others but it's okay because now i have validation from myself. since, I've lost 45 pounds and i'm on my merry way. progress has been slower recently with my fall semester of school starting but i am hopeful :)
tl;dr i was depressed and fat and then i had sex and then i was fat and not depressed and now i'm not depressed and less fat
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3gVrXVh
No comments:
Post a Comment