In 2019 I lost 95 lbs. in about 7-8 months. I was about 5 lbs from my goal. I did it with an extremely low carb diet and heavily restricted calories (about 1,100 calories). I did not exercise. I weighed myself every day and can admit I had an unhealthy obsession with weight loss, weighing myself, and everything that comes with that. During that time my pre-diabetes went away, and although my high blood pressure was somewhat controlled and I was able to get off my meds, my doctor told me in order to get it completely controlled was to start exercising. I didn’t listen. Enter quarantine, virtual schooling two kids, WFH, anxiety, etc. Last I weighed I’ve gained about half of it back. I weighed in a month ago and...well, holidays...so whatever a human can possibly gain in a month I’ve probably gained, or more. I don’t want to weigh myself. I’m so mad at myself and can’t even stand to look at myself. My body feels completely different. The way I move, my face feels so heavy...just everything.
Here’s where I admit defeat and need some help processing and maybe someone to tell me, even not nicely, and to slap me back to reality. My problem is I lost the weight the first time with what I put in my mouth. I was miserable though. There was no exercise, so I wasn’t miserable, miserable if you know what I mean. Thing is I just can’t justify in my mind that I NEED to exercise. I mean, even before I gained it back I needed to for my blood pressure, and I just didn’t do it. I don’t know how my blood pressure is now. I’m scared to weigh myself and to do a blood pressure check. I know I need to lose the weight again for my health. My brain just tells me if I restrict and be miserable again for a few months I can do it again. I don’t know if this makes any sense, but I want to want to exercise, but I don’t want to. I feel like I have such a long road ahead and I’m mad that I just don’t want to. Sometimes I think maybe if I exercise I can eat a little more and still lose weight.
I think my problem is that I’ve heard so many times that weight loss is all about what you put in your mouth that my mind can’t comprehend anymore why exercise is important. Maybe I just need to hear stories of people being able to lose weight at a steady rate by exercising. Or how exercising helped you. I know I can google why exercise is beneficial, and my brain knows all the facts, but I think I just need personal stories of how it helped you, why it was beneficial. Anything. Anecdotes, a stern talking to. I need help. I’m afraid I’ll never get back to my 95lb weight loss and I’m beginning to self sabotage. And this is going to lead to my death if I continue at this rate. My body won’t be able to take such drastic weight loss and weight gains much longer.
Any help would be appreciated.
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