Thursday, January 7, 2021

How to approach morbidly obese person in health group to actually make an effort?

I made a social media group for a few friends so we can share our health journeys and encourage each other. The group is about half people who want to lose weight and half who want to gain weight healthily, all women. Everyone shares healthy meal ideas, workouts, diet info, and encourages each other to stick to their daily goals over the long term-except one person.

This person has been morbidly obese for over a decade. She is the most active member but her posts are very low effort and unmotivating. I’m genuinely concerned that she triggers myself and others to also focus on our failures over small victories.

For example, every day she posts about her water intake-great! But this is usually followed by a picture of fast food and an unasked explanation of why the food doesn’t matter because she did her best and drank 8 glasses of water today.

Personally I calorie count. She has made comments directed at my posts that “not everyone can eat celery and tuna”, after I posted my lunch which was a delicious tuna sandwich, like with bread and mayo so not something ridiculously bland or trim.

Her doctor told her to get a certain number of protein everyday for satiety so now she is drinking protein shakes on top of her regular meals. She posts super unhealthy “salads” soaked in dressing and always says “omg I can’t even finish this salad!”. She regularly just posts about how important it is for her to just try eating healthier and not focus on calories. Then she will say she’s doing a liquid diet for 1 day because her doctor said to if her weight loss stalls. She will say she wants to buy more vegetables but her husband doesn’t eat them as an excuse. She’s obviously not losing any weight.

Even if she does post about walking (and we encourage everyone to walk and consider it valid exercise) which is 6k steps for her at her weight, it’s always followed by one of her pasta meals with an excuse as to why she really deserved 2# of pasta that day.

2 people have reached out to me that they are not participating in the chat anymore because it’s hard to stay motivated when you see someone making excuses for themselves and attacking others actual efforts to lose weight or have a workout regime.

She is frankly depressing and I don’t know how to approach her about it without just ending the entire group. I’ve really tried to encourage her but find myself becoming an enabler for her obvious eating disorder and my own toxic positivity cheering on her low-effort posts is becoming unhealthy for my own motivation. Any advice would be appreciated.

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