Saturday, January 9, 2021

I'm completely losing it guys, I'm running my journey and I need help

hey all - happy new year and I hope everyone is doing well.

just FYI: I am 5'6, currently at 287lbs (started at 313lbs), started my journey on 30th sept. I also currently have a gastric ballon which is due to exit my body the end of this month.

I was doing so well on my weightless. I lost about 25lbs in about 2 months but then my bday/christmas/nye hit and the last month I lost 1 lbs only. and even that was a fight. I kept gaining then losing that 1 lb all month. atm I have 1 month left of my gastric ballon and I am worried I am messing up messing my (expensive) opportunity to boost my weight loss till I go onto the next stage of continuing my weight loss journey without it.

I don't know what's wrong with me. I am OK with working out, well I don't workout per say but I go for walks everyday (its only form of working out I enjoy) and I am trying to incorporate more HITT/weights now too (mostly Chloe ting or other YouTube videos)....but the FOOD> these days all I crave is sweets. I initially got over the craving but cutting them out completely and not snacking at all either.

I feel silly, cos I know as I write this, someone out there will (rightly) point out: well if you did it before why can't you do it again? but lockdown (this is out 282929393929th lockdown in the UK), waiting for my new job to start and just being home 24/7 is driving me mad. I have somewhat of schedule (very loose since I finished my last job) and I am just bored AF so I eat or cook or bake (mostly all unhealthy things).

I have the motivation inside me somewhere. I have the discipline somewhere inside of me too but these past weeks have been so bad (eating, snacking, desserts and draaaanking) that I am struggling to find that power I need to continue my weight loss journey. plus I have my mum on my a$$ to do better (and that gives me major anxiety - I have spoken to her about it but I know she won't quit till I show results). even she has noticed I haven't lost weight in a month (like a damn hawk lol).

I should add I was attending OA previously but a bad sponsor experience put me off. plus I don't feel I have an addiction to food, I want to enjoy food but feel like a criminal when I have something sweet. OA is very intense for me sometimes.

anyone else feeling this way???? any words of advice or just anything??? I feel like I failing myself so bad right now

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