Three years ago, I was 20kg lighter after a year of focusing on nothing but working out at the gym, eating within my means, and curating my mental health after a series of breakdowns which resulted in me flunking out.
The thing is, despite the weight loss, I didn't feel like I looked any different. Yes, my clothes fit better and jeans I can wear comfortably now felt ginormous to me. But my stomach, my legs? They were still flabby and honestly, not that different from what I look like today. Yes, I wasn't down to my goal weight yet but it was less than 10kg away so I don't know how that would have miracously shrunken my stomach.
In the three years since my sabbatical, I've graduated with my bachelor and I'm finishing my master's. I'm doing great academically, but at great cost to my mental health.
Now, I'm constantly under stress, angry, frustrated. I eat out of stress, I eat out of boredom, I feel myself getting cranky and crabby when I don't have anything sweet to munch on. I eat till I feel nauseous and uncomfortable.
All in all, it's not even just the incremental effect of eating that impacts me negatively - I feel my health deteriorating in real time. But it doesn't stop me.
I desperately want fo return to lifting weights but I can't because gyms are closed and even if they weren't, I can't risk getting the virus.
If I had a home gym with a barbell and weights, I would use it every day without hesitation. Covid isn't an excuse for me, I genuinely want to lift weights again. It was effortless, despite always trying to lift heavier than last, and so good for my mental health. I was really flourishing. And I could just lift my frustrations away.
Yeah, I can do bodyweight squats, but how effective is that compared to me squatting with the heaviest amount I could lift?
I don't really know what this is or what I hope to accomplish by posting here. I just feel miserable because I want to take care of myself but even just washing my face and brushing my teeth every day is hard for me right now. And then I remember how even 20kg lighter I still felt and looked fat with a protruding stomach.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3u0Db2n
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