F/23/5’2/HW233/CW138/GW120
Hi everyone! This is my first post so sorry if it’s all over the place. I’ve been lurking since beginning my journey in 2017. You have all been really helpful and this is a great, supportive community of people so thank you!
For background, I lost 100 lbs in pretty much a year and a half. Last year got back up to 150 by letting go of weight loss/maintenance as a priority. Thankful that I caught myself and am back on track. That’s the problem I seem to have that I need help with. If I am not constantly hyperaware of my body and what I’m putting into it, I let it go. It is so hard for me, the mental part. The way I’ve lost weight has been healthy, I haven’t eaten under 1200 calories. But the way I go about sticking to eating that many calories is not healthy mentally. After getting to 100 lbs down, my lowest weight being 133, I still had a fat stomach. Don’t know if it’s fat or loose skin. I’m always looking into it and watching loose skin videos, looking at progress pictures, comparing myself. I’m always worried whether people perceive me as fat since I am still overweight for my height. Looks and being self conscious from a young age play a role in this. It’s kind of absurd at this point because it’s such an improvement from where I was but it still doesn’t feel good enough. In my free time I find myself just reading posts on here or watching videos on YouTube about weight/dieting/nutrition. I’m always thinking about my weight even when I’m not eating! It’s consuming so much time, effort and thought. I look at how my clothes fit, weigh myself, and use a tape measure more often than I’d like to admit. If I don’t do that I feel like it’s not at the forefront of my mind, then I start slowly eating more poorly. I’m feeling burnt out but not enough to give up, I know that this is a lifelong commitment. Eating less isn’t a sacrifice but putting so much thought into it is, especially years into this when I thought it would be second nature by now.
My question is how do you do this without being unhealthily obsessed with it? It needs to be a priority without being the only priority, if that makes sense. I need the inspiration/motivation to keep going but I don’t want to waste my life trying to be perfect either! If you can relate to this is there a way to reframe it from being about physical appearance to being about health only? Has appearance and self image played this big of a role in your journey? Thanks.
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