From April 2015 - September 2016 I went from 227lb to 118lb (109lb weight loss). I'm 5'4" F. Over the course of a year and a half I gained it all back. I thought I did everything right, and that gaining it back couldn't happen to me. And it's taken me years to get in the right mindset to tackle it again. I am now 20 days in and down 10 pounds (most of that water weight).
I just wanted to share some things I learned on this journey, and what I'll be doing differently this time.
During my first journey:
- It was all about 'efficiency'. Losing as much as weight possible, as quickly as possible. If I saw a red number on My Fitness Pal and went over 1200 calories I was guilty.
- I never ate at maintenance - and definitely no 'cheat days'. I never learned to eat properly. Instead of indulging and 'being ok' with eating high calorie food (at an appropriate portion size), I just avoided it. Naturally during weight loss you focus on food that fills you up, and you don't want to 'waste calories' and then feel hungry - but at the same time, avoiding it altogether did not help me in the end.
- I looked at my journey as 'weight loss' that had a beginning and end. Once it was over I stopped tracking. I thought it was 'crazy' that I would have to continue tracking - possibly for years.
- I felt like I was starving most of the time, all the way down to 118 pounds. Some nights I could barely sleep - I'd guzzle water and eat pickles and try to ignore the hunger. I have read some overweight people just feel hungry more often, maybe due to gut bacteria. Well, that's me. And in my drive to efficiently lose weight, I was miserable.
- I constantly browsed progresspics to see what other people look like at my weight. When I got to my lowest I looked nothing like them. My body has suffered from 20+ years of obesity. I had loose skin. My stomach wasn't smooth. I had cellulite.
- Every week my husband took progress pictures. I weighed myself, and took all my measurements. I thought that if I could compare the pictures I would mentally acknowledge the weight loss and not regain it. But I never truly understood how small I'd gotten. Instead of focusing on how much better I felt, I just refocused on parts of myself I wasn't happy with. In my brain I was still fat.
- When I hit maintenance I didn't know how to eat 'more food' in a healthful way. During weight loss for months/years I would eat exactly the same thing for breakfast and lunch, with a rotation of recipes for dinner. Finding new recipes or adding in snacks felt daunting. So instead...
- When I hit maintenance I went absolutely insane and started gorging on all of the things I hadn't allowed myself. It doesn't come natural to me to eat a light breakfast and skip lunch for a large dinner (for example) - and as mentioned, I'm always hungry. For me, maintenance eating is something that needs to be learned and reinforced.
- I've experienced some significant health challenges which may or may not have been brought on my the wild swing in weight. I now have a functional issue with my gallbladder, developed high blood pressure and POTS-like issues, and vascular insufficiency. I'm only 34. I need to get this shit under control!
And now:
- Truly accepting that I have a disordered relationship with food. I have been overweight since I was 12 - but obesity doesn't run in my family. 99% of my family is thin. I don't have diabetes or PCOS or insulin resistance - it's just portion control and excessive calorie rich foods. I have to learn how to eat, not just how to lose weight.
- Eating 1200 is the MINIMUM not the ABSOLUTE. I've discovered that eating at a slightly higher calorie amount (1300-1400) means I have more energy and don't feel I'm starving and deprived constantly. Some days I'll eat less - some more - but ANY downward trend is the goal.
- Instead of eating exactly the same thing for each meal (to 'optimize' weight loss) I have a wider variation of options to choose from. This has been helped by working from home, so I can prepare a fresh, hot lunch.
- Mixing it up and allowing higher calorie meals that I never would have allowed before. This lets me integrate stuff I'm 'craving'.
- Allowing 'cheat days' aka maintenance days (I've had one so far... on Valentine's Day!). It reinvigorated me to eat something I'd been craving, and gave me the energy and drive to keep going.
- If there's red on my MFP I don't sweat it. Tomorrow's another day. Again - as long as the trend is 'down' it's good.
- My weight goal this time is 125, which I think is reasonable and something that I can manage long term on maintenance. Last time I had no idea where I should stop.
- I have accepted I won't have a 'beach bod'. I have accepted that in the future I may want to focus on recomp/strength training, but that it won't be achieved just by weight loss. I will always have loose skin. I am not taking progress pictures or measurements - only weighing myself. I am focusing on how my clothing fits, how I feel, my energy levels, my blood pressure, that I'll be able to hike again without being winded, the fact I have bags of clothes in my basement waiting for me... lol.
- Once I hit maintenance I will continue tracking. If I have to track for the rest of my life, then I guess that's what has to happen.
Sorry for the long post, and thanks for listening... I am in for the long haul again, and hope I don't make the same mistakes twice.
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