I'm in a mental place right now that I'm desperate to start my weight loss journey, but beginning it is just so hard.
I'm 84kg last time I checked at 24F / 5'5, so definitely overweight. I work full time at an office job 8-4 five days a week. I spend about 80% of work time sitting on my ass. I have a horse and I try to ride him every day during the week, but it's winter right now so every now and then it's too wet to ride. There's a gym nearby, but I can't afford a membership on my income right now, but they have an indoor pool that I can pay $10 for 40 minutes to do laps, which I've tried to do on weekends. Eating wise, my partner and I are doing a meal service in our country called Lite n Easy because we don't really know how to cook as well as the apartment we're renting the stove is actually terrible, so we're eating healthy during the week thanks to that, but we get Uber Eats on Fridays to Sundays due to convenience which we're picking some not always healthy options. I definitely do not drink as much water as I should, but I don't feel thirsty enough throughout the day to drink the recommended amount so I never do.
My issue right now is motivation. I have this mental thing going where I'm sitting at work, pumping myself up mentally to go to the shops and get some good food, do meal prepping and counting calories, go ride my horse and go swimming to get fit, picturing what I'd look like thin, fit and healthy. But then all the lazy thoughts come the moment I clock off of work -- "you've been working 8 hours today and all week, you deserve your night, go home and watch Netflix" ; "30 minutes is an annoying drive through rush hour to see the horse, go another night" ; "cooking is hard and the stove at home is sucky, start eating healthy all the time when we find the new house in a few months" ; "you deserve a cheat day after eating healthy all week and it's Friday! Treat yourself with some Maccas. You know you deserve that Quarter Pounder". I even splurged on the new Fitbit so it could help me get fit, but right now it's only a glorified digital watch and a sleep tracker.
I know these are all excuses and I know I'm sabotaging myself. I know that I shouldn't have these excuses and I know many of you reading this are probably like, "clearly she isn't truly dedicated to getting fit with all these excuses". But I do want to get fit! I really do! I want my boyfriend to be able to carry me without worrying about him pitching forward and dropping us both or breaking something. I want to be comfortable sitting on him without having to worry about crushing his legs. I want to walk without watching fat jiggle around me. I want to be able to do anything without being short of breath. I want to be able to go shopping and not have to worry about things being in my size. I want to be able to ride my horse around a course without having to stop halfway through because I can't keep up with the stamina needed to finish. I want to fit in my saddle properly, and I want to look good in riding clothes without my muffin top stomach spilling out of my breeches. I want to wear a fucking bikini and crop tops and skirts and jeans where my legs look good! I want to look good! I want to feel good! I just want to be good. I don't want to end up like my sister who is 27 and morbidly obese. I don't want to be like my dad who is also morbidly obese who can't even see his toes when he tries to look past his bulging belly. I don't want to be like that.
I don't know how to be motivated, because everything I've said in the previous paragraph should be motivation enough! But the laziness is just so...strong. My laziness is like a brick wall I can't get over.
I don't know where to start.
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3yPHKy0
No comments:
Post a Comment