It’s not often I have gotten to this mindset in my weight loss journey, but lately I have been feeling completely overwhelmed with how badly I want to be skinny. Not just healthy, which is the real goal I stick to, but genuinely skinny. I see people of recognizably smaller sizes than myself and feel such a strong hatred of myself for not being that size. For a little bit of context, I’m 5’2, F, 200 lbs (down 20 in like 1.7 years), and I have PCOS. The struggle to lose weight has been very real, especially with PCOS and my desire to take it slow with no severe/immediate life changes. I try to do step-by-step. That, however, means there is a lot of trial-by-error and opportunity to slip up. Lately, my MFP numbers have been ridiculous because I’m a busy college student with lots of friends who like to get food. It seems like every other day I have a birthday party or a date with friends that involves food. Before this semester, that hadn’t seemed to have such an impact on how I view myself because I wasn’t CICO. Now that I’m tracking calories, I feel like trash because I’m so often going over my goals. Even losing a couple pounds after plateauing for months hasn’t done much to make me feel better despite the fact that this plateau was driving me crazy! Sorry to word vomit, I just want to vent to folks who will understand. I’m sure in a couple of days I will be back on my slow and steady horse, but for now I’m going to stare lustily at a mustang. Thanks for reading!
TL;DR: I’m losing weight super slow, I’m eating out too much out of social obligation, and lately I am insanely focused on wanting to be skinny for no discernible reason.
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